


stanton high presents a chorus line-rise season 2

by massivekatastrophe



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: Canon Continuation, Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, How Do I Tag, Interracial Relationship, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Rise again, Slow Burn, Theatre, rise nbc - Freeform, rise season 2, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-07-25 19:56:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16204565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/massivekatastrophe/pseuds/massivekatastrophe
Summary: 3 months after Stanton High’s… let’s say controversial, production of Spring Awakening, a void has opened in the lives of the troupe. Lilette smells trouble in Philly, Robbie is terrified of losing his mother, Simon’s family is fractured, a piece of Jeremy’s past is determined to come creeping back, Maashous is regretting ever leaving Stanton. But Mr. Mazzu certainly won’t let them lose hope. And neither will Ms. Wolfe. Stanton High Drama presents... A Chorus Line.





	1. kiss today goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> (notes: hi all! a few notes before this first chapter. this is my perspective on what season 2 of rise could have looked like. be sure to comment any theories or opinions. thanks to randomascas for the idea of Stanton doing another show (be sure to check out the bare/rise crossover that loves to mess with my emotions.) also hugs to my rock hannah. love ya dearly. a general trigger warning for the whole story, some storylines will include eating disorders, violence, death, and dysphoria/internalized homophobia. each chapter will include one if it is needed, but you know yourself better than i do, so do what is healthy for you. finally, the chapter titles are based on what i did for love from a chorus line :D )

 Michael didn’t expect the note slipped in the gaps of his locker. That gloomy February Monday seemed to be steadily getting worse and worse. Sasha was out of school with a stomach bug, he had definitely bombed Kranepool’s pop quiz (damn bio), and nothing seemed to be going right. His luck appeared to change once he yanked open one of the tan lockers lining the main hallway. As he was trying to locate his math book among the photos covering the inside of his locker, he noticed a slip of neatly folded looseleaf sitting directly on top of it. He sharply inhaled, anticipating another mean note from the assholes on the football team. But he was mistaken as he unravelled the folds to find Gwen Strickland’s unmistakeable cursive from an inky blue pen.  
Meet me in the green room right after last period. It’s about the troupe. Don’t be late.  
Ilse  
A grin crept across his face. He missed Stanton Drama, rehearsing and performing with his friends and meeting new people, and he even missed the stupid relationship drama and dance parties interrupting studying. He couldn’t wait to be back goofing off with the understudies and helping Lexi’s cinematic genius.  
The warning bell snapped him from his dreamy haze. He sighed, collecting his things and closing his locker. He began to wonder how he would actually be able to make it through the two periods left in the school day.  
After suffering through math and history, Michael rushed out of his seat the second that the bell rang to meet Gwen in the greenroom. As he walked through that door, he was greeted with a swarm of Cheryl, Lexi, and Francis. Obviously he wasn’t the only recipient of the note. “Do you guys know what’s going on here?” Michael asked. Cheryl shrugged, pulling a piece of notebook paper from her pocket. “Gwen gave these to Francis and I during chem. Lexi found hers in her backpack.”  
“Inventive.” Lexi deadpanned. “Except for the part where she forgot to give us any context or reason to be here. I have a shoot in 20 minutes!”  
“Nobody said you had to be here Lex.” said Francis  
“Except that the note did!” she squabbled back, and they walked away arguing. “Don’t worry,” said Cheryl, “since they’ve been ‘hanging out and definitely not together’ as Lexi calls it, they argue like this all the time.”. She rolled her eyes so far back that he wondered if she could see behind her. Meanwhile, he had no idea they were even together. He guessed that he hadn’t seen anyone in a while because they had no reason to without rehearsals. In the months since that rollercoaster of an opening night, everything seemed to move too quickly. Lillette packed up and left without saying goodbye, Simon cut off almost everyone in the troupe from his life besides Gwen, Sasha made the hardest decision of her life until that point. It would have been easier with a group sticking together a bit more.  
“Mikey!” a voice called from across the room. Gwen waved, her ponytail bobbing on top of her head as she jogged to him, wrapping him in a tight hug. “Gwen, what’s your master plan here?” he asked, scanning the room and finding almost all of the cast of Spring Awakening. Almost. That still stung. “What, can’t a girl meet up with her friends in the theatre green room?” Gwen said, feigning innocence and widening her eyes. Michael shot her a look and she groaned. “Alright fine, you caught me.” she grumbled. “I overheard Ms. Wolfe and Mr. Mazzu talking after my English Lit class yesterday. They want to bring the program back, and they are telling us today.” Michael gasped. “Seriously? Oh my-” Gwen clapped her hand over his mouth. “I just had to get everyone here, you cannot spoil the surprise.”  
‘What surprise?” he said, winking.  
Almost on cue, Mr. Mazzuchelli and Ms. Wolfe crept out of the office and into the greenroom, obviously startled by the pack standing in front of them. They shared a glance and a nod, and turned to face the crowd. Michael squirmed into a spot on the couch between Annabelle and Clark. Clark greeted him with a noogie, but Annabelle kept her eyes fixed across the room at Simon. He sat in a chair in the corner, reading a book and ignoring everyone around him. Even though they had broken up months ago, anyone with a few brain cells could sense tension between them.  
“Well, we weren’t expecting such an audience.” Ms Wolfe spoke nervously as if she was very carefully choosing her words. Her eyes drifted over to Gwen, and she shook her head. “I knew Detective Strickland would figure us out eventually.”. A nervous laugh rippled through the room. “So,” Mr. Mazzu cut in, “as you all know, the district was not too thrilled with our production of Spring Awakening.”  
“I guess you could call use totally hosed.” said Robbie from the back of the room. He had gotten a lot quieter since football ended and Lilette moved, but Michael had a sneaking suspicion that more was underneath his silence. But, he was still glad Robbie came back. “Well,” Mazzu continued, “after weeks of speaking with Ward and the PTA.” Mr. Mazzu took a deep breath and looked at Ms. Wolfe. “We have been reinstated.” Gasps and cheers echoed through the room. Michael’s heart seemed to skip a few beats. It was one thing to hear as a rumour from Gwen, but hearing the real story from the adults made him so, so happy.  
“What show are we doing?” Jolene asked from atop the piano. “Yeah!” called out Harmony. A chant of “tell us” began, and soon Michael was stomping his feet and chanting with the whole troupe. “Alright, alright!” Mr. Mazzuchelli yelled, his voice cutting through the cheers. “We will be performing the smash musical A Chorus Line.” Michael thought he might faint. “Hell yeah!” screamed the usually quiet clark from next to him. Michael could instantly cast himself in the show. And he knew just who to do it with.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
the guilty ones (michael hallowell, gwen strickland, robbie thorne, 15+ more)  
february 9th, 3:17 pm  
jolene: WE’RE BACK BITCHEEEEEES  
annabelle: watch your profanity, there are children in the chat!  
jolene: well those children should have more responsible parents if they are hanging out with this piece of shit  
annabelle: JOLENE. LANGUAGE.  
francis: ann, we’re all grown-ups here, we can stand some cussing  
annabelle: that doesn’t mean that people should do it  
michael: how about we get to jolene’s original point? chorus line!! is anyone else excited?  
gwen: i know i am  
jeremy: seriously, the show was revolutionary!  
violet: i have already dreamcasted the whole thing  
(clark has changed group name to “god i hope i get it”)  
francis: i can’t believe they only gave us a day’s notice for auditions though annabelle: it was the way mazzu said it though. “tuesday, february 10th at 3 sharp”, as if he didn’t mean tomorrow after school  
gwen: good thing i keep my rep book in my locker  
cheryl: lol, we get it gwen, you’re professional  
michael: we all better be amazing dancers by tomorrow if they expect us to do THAT choreo  
harmony: considering that all of us almost broke our noses with the arms in touch me in the fall  
jeremy: i don’t think i have ever been this excited for an audition in my life  
jolene: considering you and half the cast didn’t even audition for the last show  
francis: BURN  
jeremy: annabelle? Any backup for me?  
annabelle: i mean she’s right  
lexi: DOUBLE BURN. better get jeremy some skin grafts because those were serious  
jeremy: alright, i wasn’t talking about the actual audition we all hate those  
gwen: i don’t  
cheryl: WE GET IT GWEN  
jeremy: i mean the actual show?? it was completely ground-breaking  
jolene: i think mazzu is just trying to give us gay content because ms. wolfe has been giving us the straight bs of grease for years and years  
harmony: i don’t think a single person in the entire drama program is totally straight  
clark: agreed  
michael: you have to hand in your straight card when you audition  
violet: oh no, this is so sad, alexa play the word of your body reprise  
(simon saunders has left the chat)  
cheryl: nice job violet  
jeremy: we all knew it was coming  
lexi: jeremy, go add your mans back to the chat!  
jeremy: he’s never been mine and he will never be mine  
harmony: suuure  
(annabelle bowman has left the chat)  
cheryl: nice job lexi  
francis: hey cher, don’t hate on her  
violet: ooo tea is brewin’  
jolene: i have to go pick my song and keep up my pattern of singing songs by characters i’ll never play. i’m here from the color purple or the games i play from falsettos?  
jeremy: that’s a tough one  
clark: i’ll see y’all tomorrow  
jolene: mike, make sure sasha knows about auditions  
michael: i’m on it  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Lilette tossed her phone across the bed, flopped back into her pillows and sighed. She was watching her friends plan out auditions for her dream show and she was towns away living vicariously through their texts. She stared at the ceiling of her new room. It was plastered with the posters and filled with the same furniture as her old one, but it didn’t feel like home yet. It didn’t feel lived in. As crappy as Stanton was, there was some things she could depend on. Her friends, her room, going to work everyday after school. Everything in Philly felt foreign to her.  
“Mija, I’m home!”, her mom called from downstairs. “Have you eaten yet?” she asked from the bottom of the stairs. “Not yet”, said Lilette, rolling out of bed, cursing under her breath as she dragged her homework with her. She climbed down the stairs to see her mom in a white button down with Cruz Construction embroidered in the corner. Her curls were tousled up from a long day at work. With all the changes happening, Lilette was glad that her mom had a steady job that she was happy with and good at. “I was waiting for you to come home.” Lilette continued. “You and Mr. Cruz.” she added.  
“How many times do I have to tell you, honey? If Johnny is close enough to us that he is letting us stay with him, you don’t have to call him Mr. Cruz.” Lilette followed her mother into the kitchen. “In any case, do you want chicken parm or fajitas?”  
“I’m not really hungry.” Lilette lied. “I have a bunch of homework to do.”  
“Fajitas it is.” her mom responded, pulling groceries out of paper bags. “I’m not letting you go hungry.”, She placed a kiss on Lillette's forehead. “Go. Don’t work too hard.” she said, wagging her finger as Lilette climbed back up the stair to her room. God this house was huge.  
Later that night, Lilette crept down the stairs to grab a phone charger. As she was turning into the living room, she overheard a muffled conversation. “I don’t care what you have to charge, get me what I need.” a deep voice grumbled. Mr. Cruz. Johnny. She couldn’t make out a reply on whatever phone he was speaking on. “Do whatever, charge it to the company, I don’t give a damn.” he said. The person on the phone spoke again. Mr. Cruz groaned. “We have a deal.”. He slammed the phone down. Lilette held her breath and waited a few seconds before continuing into the living room.  
“Good night, Lilette” he said as she crossed over to get the cable. “Goodnight Mr-” Lilette corrected herself. “Good night Johnny.”. Saying that felt so, so wrong. As she scuffled back up to her room, Lilette couldn’t eve process what she heard. Was he talking about the company? It seemed to suspicious. What could he have even been talking about in that way. Drugs? Hit men? Lillette shook her head. “It isn’t possible.” she whispered to herself. But she didn’t even believe herself. She flicked off the light to her room and as she tried to go to sleep, her thoughts wouldn’t stop racing. That man wouldn’t put her and her mother and his own company in any danger. Would he?  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Are you sure I have to go, Simon?” Emma asked, her green-grey eyes widened like a puppy. “Emmie, I’m sure your new school is going to be great.” said Simon. “I mean, there will be more kids just like you, and you can make so many new friends, and-”  
“I like my friends, I wanna stay here with you.” Emma cut him off. “Why is Mama making me go?” Simon sighed, shaking his head. He didn’t want his sister to leave either. “Dad found it, it’s a great school!”  
“Didn’t you say that about St. Francis?” Emma snorted, and the two of them shared a laugh. “Emma honey, we have to leave for the airport!” their mother called from down the hallway.  
Simon helped Emma to wheel her bags out to the car, ducking his head as he passing through his father’s sharp gaze. After all of the suitcases were safely in the trunk, Simon adjusted Emma’s backpack on her shoulders, brushing her hair out of her face. She wrapped him in a tight hug. “I love you Simon.” she said, her voice muffled into Simon’s sweater. “St. Mary’s is lucky to have you. I’m going to miss you like crazy, I’ll write every day.” Emma nodded her head, and climbed into the back seat, closing the silver car door behind her. Suddenly, she rolled down her window  
“Simon!” she called. “Hopefully you and Jeremy will finally be together when I come back.” she whispered, wiggling her eyebrows mischievously. That made his heart ache. Simon brushed it off, climbing back onto the front steps. His mom got into the driver’s seat, and soon she and Emma were driving away, Emma frantically waving from the back seat.  
It hurt Simon that his parents were forcing Emma to go to boarding school. First Maashous and Lilette leave, and now his own sister? To a school across the country? They advertised at the best school in the country for kids with special needs, but he honestly couldn’t picture why Emma had to leave Stanton in the middle of the school year.  
But Simon had his own plans to worry about. Auditions were that afternoon and he still hadn’t decided what song he was going to sing. Obviously Mazzu didn’t get the message when he sang Gethsemane, but he liked being the leading man. The tricky part was that in Chorus Line, there isn’t exactly one leading man. Paul perhaps. No way. He wasn’t going to throw himself into another dumpster fire like what happened with Spring Awakening. He was going to play Mike, or Al, or anyone but Paul. He wouldn’t let it happen.  
The day seemed to fly by, Simon attempting and failing to concentrate his energy into anything but his audition, and the character he was, or wasn’t, going to get. Finally, the last bell rang, and he shuffled off to the auditorium with his heart in his throat. He could vaguely hear all the conversations around him. At 3:00 sharp, Mr Mazzuchelli got onstage and began his rant about the importance of theatre, but it was all white noise to Simon, as bad as that sounded. As Mr Mazzuchelli climbed down the stairs to get to the table, a text lit up Simon’s phone.  
from: lilette suarez  
hey saunders! break a leg today :)  
Simon felt his jaw unclench, and he dropped his shoulders. He would feel a lot calmer if he was singing first and not 5 people after-  
“Hi, my name is Jeremy Travers and I will be performing I Heard Your Voice in a Dream from Smash.” The voice caught Simon off guard, Jeremy standing center stage in a yellow baseball tee. His hair seemed to be illuminated in the stage lights. Simon brought his guard right back up. The piano began and Jeremy appeared to melt right into the music.  
“I thought I was hopeless, I thought I was broken”.  
He poured his soul into every note of that song. “  
The signal’s got speed but there’s no real connection.”  
The words sounded just as good as Jeremy Jordan. Was he better than Jeremy Jordan? Holy crap. The battle of the Jeremy’s played out in Simon’s brain.  
“So sing to me and I will forgive you, for taking my heart in that suitcase you packed.” He was an angel. Why did was he such an angel? Why did Simon let him do this?  
“Sing to me like the lights didn’t blind you like you blinded me”  
Simon swore that Jeremy made eye contact with him right there.  
“ ‘til I heard your voice in a dream.”  
Jeremy’s voice echoed through the auditorium and for a moment, nobody else existed. That is until the entire room was on its feet, and Jeremy blushed and ducked his head bashfully. And Simon yanked his music binder and ran out into the lobby. He could feel the eyes follow him out, burning holes in his back as he walked back through the aisle, but he didn’t care. He had 4 auditions to collect himself and he would. The door clicked behind him.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
As Mr. Mazzuchelli and Ms. Wolfe discussed Jeremy’s audition, Ariel bounced her leg up and down, hoping the pattern would slow her thoughts. She opened her binder to look at her song another time. At least, she attempted to, before the top was slammed shut. She turned her head sharply to find Jolene, with her curls were frizzed out framing her face like a mane. “Ari, stop being paranoid. You have re-read your music 20 times! And here’s the catch, I know you can’t read sheet music.” She had a wild look in her blue eyes, even more than usual.”So what?” Ariel snarked. “It would help if there was a dance call, because they don’t know me and if they did, they would know that I dance waaaay better than I sing, and it’s not like going to get a role because I’ve only been her for a few weeks and it’s not like anything is going to happen.”. She was cut off by Jolene shushing softly, waving her finger in her face.  
“You are massively talented, and if they can’t see that, then they are shi-”  
“Jolene?” Ms Wolfe called. Jolene shrugged and gave Ariel a little wink. “Duty calls.” She crossed over to the stage and gave her slate. “Hey, I’m Jolene Brooks, I’m going to sing ‘I’m Breaking Down’ from Falsettos.” Mr. Mazzuchelli and Ms.Wolfe shared a look. “Who are you auditioning for Jolene?”  
“Val.” Jolene deadpanned.  
The jaunty piano began, and so did Jolene  
“I’d like to be a princess on a throne, to have a country I could call my own,” she paused  
“And a king,”  
Ariel could have sworn she saw an eye roll. Obviously Jolene made everybody laugh, and belted to the high heavens. Ariel would have given the last high note a Tony by itself. When she finished, even snarky Gwen was impressed. Jolene gave a joking little curtsy and cleared the stage. She climbed down the stairs back to her seat, and her smile widened as she sat back down. “How did I do?” she sighed. Ariel elbowed her, and before Jolene could respond-  
“Ariel Chun?” Mr. Mazzuchelli said, turning his head behind him to scan the crowd. Ariel shot up, and gave a little wave. Scuffling off the the piano, she gave her music to Mr. Baer and walked to a neon X center stage. “Hi Ariel.” said Ms. Wolfe, a warm smile still lingering on her face from Jolene’s song. “What will you be singing?”  
“In My Dreams from Anastasia,” she said shyly. She gave the music director a nod, and suddenly she realised she was paranoid for nothing. She was on autopilot, easing through the first part of her cut.  
“I still have this faith in the truth of my dreams,”  
Jolene gave a thumbs up from her seat. Michael poked his head up from talking with Sasha quietly in the corner.  
“Don’t be afraid to go on, don’t give up hope come what may, I know it all will come back,”  
Ariel could see herself back at the house in New York, waltzing with her mother in the living room to Christy Altomare.  
“One day”  
She finished singing, and her heart raced. At least the directors looked impressed. Ms Wolfe glanced down at the audition form, and her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. “Ariel, it says that you studied at SAB from 5th grade to the beginning of this school year?” Ariel nodded her head frantically. “But you’re so-”  
“Tiny?” Ariel cut in with a voice barely above a whisper. “I know. But if you are worried about that, I’m about 5 foot with character shoes on.” Ms Wolfe looked back down at the paper as if she was swallowing the elephant of a question waiting to be asked. “Thank you, Ariel, that was lovely.” Mr Mazzuchelli said, filling the growing silence.  
The second she made it down the stairs, Jolene yanked her into the hallway. “Ariel! Holy shi-”  
“We have been over the cursing thing, Jo.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me you could sing like that?” Jolene’s jaw was hanging open like the hinge had snapped. Ariel gave a confused look, and Jolene scoffed. “Don’t you dare say “like what’ like I know you will,” reading her mind. “You were fu-freaking incredible.” Before she knew if, Jolene had wrapped Ariel in a hug so tight, she didn’t think she would ever get out. Not that she minded.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Simon could hear Francis singing “More than Survive” and Cheryl singing “Waiting for Life” through his haze. He was half paying attention, half preparing himself for going back in. He smoothed his shirt, re-tied his shoes, checking his reflection in a nearby window. Not that bad. The troupe had just started clapping for Sasha when Simon slunk back into the auditorium. The second he got to his seat, his nightmare scenario happened.  
“Simon?” Mr Mazzuchelli asked the room. Simon picked himself up and gathered his sheet music. He tried not to pay attention to everyone around him. He was going to sing a song and get a part. The part. Not a big deal whatsoever. “Hello, I’m Simon Saunders,” as if they didn’t know. “And I will be singing ‘Something’s Coming’ from West Side Story.” Ms Wolfe nodded approvingly. Simon let himself listen to the piano and look up into the balcony as if it was the first time living the song.  
“Could be? Who knows? There’s something due any day, I will know right away, soon as it shows.”  
Simon had always loved West Side Story and the way this song sat so neatly with his voice. It felt like silk, listening to the album felt like home.  
“I gotta feeling there’s a miracle due, gonna come true, coming to me,”  
His mind began to wander. What was he even singing about? What was the something? He wish he knew. A change was completely welcome in his eyes.  
“Around the corner, or whistlin’ down the river, come on deliver to me.”  
If this song was any indication, maybe the something was right there in front of him. Maybe he should just open his eyes a bit. His eyes bounced around the room, picking out faces. Just not that one.  
“The air is humming, and something great is coming,”  
Finally, Simon couldn’t take it anymore. He shifted his glance to Jeremy. Bad decision. He was as perfect as ever, hanging onto every syllable Simon sang.  
“Maybe tonight, maybe tonight,”  
Simon’s confidence wavered. He had never felt so exposed on a stage.  
“Maybe tonight?”  
Luckily, the note found it’s way out. But he found himself tuning out all of the clapping around him, rushing to collect his music. He did as well as he could. Maybe they won’t even consider him for Paul. It won’t even pass through their minds, Too white, too bad at dancing, there’s no way. “Hey.” said a voice behind Simon. He whipped his head around to find Jeremy. “You killed it. See you in bio tomorrow.” His voice was like butter, melting the defenses Simon tried his best to build. Maybe there was a way that the team would see him as a Paul. If so, he was done for. “Next,” called Mazzu, “Annabelle Bowman?” Simon sensed that as his cue to drive home.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
8:41 pm: you (kaitlin mazzuchelli) were added to god i hope i get it, with ariel chun and +2 others  
That notification made Kaitlin’s heart flutter in the car home. “Thanks Harmony!” she turned to her ride home, beaming. “You don’t have to thank me, all I did was put your number into the chat. You killed your audition, so I figured it was already going to happen.” she said winking.  
Harmony’s dad turned onto her cul-de-sac, and into her driveway. “There you are, Kaitlin. Make sure your dad and Wolfe aren’t at the theatre too late putting that cast together, it’s a school night.” he said. Harmony shot him a look. He was a principal in Eagleton, so he had a thing about getting to places on time and proper sleep schedules. “Thank you, Mr. Curtis, I will,” said Kaitlin. She scooped up her bag and opened the door. “Bye Harmony!” she exclaimed as she slammed it shut.  
The second she got inside, the smell of lasagna wafted through the air. “Hey Mom,” she said, popping her shoes off by the door. “Hey girlie! There’s some pasta left if you want any.” her mom replied. Her hair was twisted into a bun with a pencil through it, her signature move during piano lessons. “No thanks Mama, I already ate.” she lied. “I’ll take some tomorrow for lunch though.” Another lie. She blew her mom a kiss as she walked to her room, passing Gordy on her way. “Hey shrimp,” he joked “Dad home yet?” She shook her head. “Not yet, he and Tracey are still putting together the cast.” she held up her crossed fingers. He groaned. “Don’t bother worrying, you’ll get whatever part in whatever show, and I’ll have to hear about it every afternoon for how many months.” Gordy ruffled her hair, and Kaitlin blew a raspberry. She got to her room, dumped her bag on the ground and flopped on the bed. The pulled out her journal and a pen.  
Carrot sticks: 80 calories  
Granola bar: 200 cal  
Gym class; Burned about 300?  
Total: -20  
Perfect.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Can we talk about those audition songs for a moment, Lou?” Ms Wolfe snipped, a scowl across her face. “About 4 of the 22 were period appropriate! What are we teaching them if Lexi thinks that she can sing ‘Out Tonight’ from Rent so she can play Maggie?”  
“To be fair, we didn’t give them restrictions on what to sing.” Mr Mazzuchelli retorted.  
“That’s an unspoken law.” said Ms Wolfe, sifting through a stack of forms and photos. “Let’s get this casting board done so we can post it.”  
She reached the bottom and paused. “You realise that we have barely enough kids to cast this show, right?” Lou shook his head. “That means there will be plenty for everyone to do, and besides it’s far too late to change that now.”  
“You mean like changing the entire production of Spring Awakening an hour before the curtain?” she said, pinning Ariel’s picture underneath Connie. That should have been anticipated, Lou thought to himself.”Let’s look forward rather than back. Michael and Sasha for Al and Kristine?” he asked. “Of course,” Tracey said. As much as they bickered, they were a pretty solid team.  
By the last few pictures, it was obvious that there were gaping holes in the show. “We don’t have a Diana or a Paul.” They said in complete unison. Even so, Lou pinned up Harmony’s picture beneath Diana’s name. “You can’t be serious.” Ms Wolfe said slowly, “Harmony has only done one show, she can’t carry a role like Diana!”  
“Let’s have some faith in her.”  
“You know if Lilette was here, we wouldn’t have this issue.”  
“Her mother shipped her off to Philly, and we have to do what we can Tracey. Again, enough with picking apart the past!” Mr. Mazzu exclaimed. The tension in the room seemed to triple, you could cut it with a butcher knife.  
Tracey quietly turned the board around, and Lou could hear her rustling with pins, and switching around photos. At one point she came back around to grab Simon’s photo and went straight back again. Finally, she had something. She rolled the board around with a small “ta-da”. Lou caught his breath.  
“Tracey, that’s”  
“Perfect.”  
“You’re a casting-”  
“Genius”  
“You-”  
“Made it work? Oh yes I did,” she said in a sing-song tone.  
“If I’d have done the same thing with that,” he said, gesturing to the board, “would you have called me a-  
“Typical white washing straight man? Absolutely.”  
“I think it works.” He turned his head to Ms Wolfe. “Will this cause carnage?”  
“Completely.”  
“The good kind?”  
“Hopefully.”  
“Let’s do it.”  
The two shook hands. They had a cast.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
god i hope i get it (michael hallowell, lexi jones, robbie thorne, 17+ more)  
february 11th, 7:23 am  
gwen: guys i just saw mazzu and wolfe  
ariel: seriously, do you stalk them?  
francis: i think it had something to do with his oldest son…  
violet: TEEEAAA  
michael: i’m team gwendy  
harmony: aren’t we all  
gwen: NOT THE POINT  
francis: what is the point?  
gwen: they have a cast list  
jolene: HOLY SHIT  
annabelle: i would tell you to watch your language but HOLY SHIT  
kaitlin: let’s go see how holy this feces is  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
In all honesty, upon seeing the cast list, Simon had one thought: Holy shi-...


	2. wish me luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all! so excited to release chapter 2, thank you for the amazing response to”episode” 1. it truly does mean a lot to me that you all have like it so much. apologies for it being a tad short, this was written backstage at a show- next week should be a bit longer (with lots of drama too *wink*) a minor TW for this chapter for the brief allusion to drug abuse. with all of that said, please enjoy! (and for each new chapter i will be including a suggested listening section :D )  
> episode playlist (i have never done a playlist for source before, so cut me some slack is the timing is way off)  
> little light by lewis watson  
> burn by billie eilish  
> 80s films by jon bellion  
> (the chorus line song used in the last section is the hello 12/13/love montage part 3 [mother])

Chapter Two: Wish Me Luck

Jeremy’s breathe felt syncopated in his chest, as if his very arteries were buffering.

_Thank you everyone for coming out, our first rehearsal will be this Friday the 13th_

  * Cassie Ferguson- Gwen Strickland
  * Diana Morales- Harmony Curtis
  * Paul San Marco- Simon Saunders
  * Valerie Clark- Jolene Brooks
  * Don Kerr- Robbie Thorne
  * Sheila Bryant- Cheryl Harper
  * Bebe Benzenheimer- Kaitlin Mazzuchelli
  * Maggie Winslow- Annabelle Bowman
  * Mark Anthony- Jeremy Travers
  * Connie Wong- Ariel Chun
  * Richie Walters- Clark Howard
  * Al Deluca- Michael Hallowell
  * Kristine Urich-Deluca- Sasha Foley
  * Judy Turner- Lexi Jones
  * Mike Costa- Francis Russo
  * Bobby Mills- Jason Iwata
  * Laurie (Larry)- Violet Bell
  * Greg Gardner- Jason Eisenberg



Considering Jeremy knew the show inside and out, he had dream-casted most of it in his head. Of course that included Lilette as Diana, but he had a vague idea of what Ms. Wolfe would do. His eyes scanned the list quickly, and Jeremy picked out his name next to Mark. _Oh crap. Lovely_ , he thought to himself, _I get to sing about fake STDs!_ Some would wonder about what their parents would think if they heard, but Jeremy never had to worry about that.

As he slowly made his way back up the list, another set of names caught his eye. Simon as Paul? He had seen Simon storming away just before he reached the bulletin board, but Jeremy finally connected the dots. He could almost hear Simon screeching in the distance. Simon’s father that is. He went ballistic over one kiss, and Jeremy barely knew any details. Simon was finally beginning to open up to him before the drama program was shut down, and Jeremy and the rest of the troupe was shut out of Simon’s life with it.

He could barely keep his thoughts under control for the rest of that Wednesday. He had a free block last period that day, so he drove home early, picking up some snacks for the house on his way home. When he parked the car in his driveway, he considered not telling his mom about the show at all. He shook the idea away. Briefly keeping secrets when Jeremy was in Spring Awakening caused enough trouble to last a lifetime in the Travers house. He scooped up the warm cookies sitting of the passenger seat, along with his backpack, and let himself into the house.

He flickered the light switch, wondering if there was anyone present in the house who needed to know he was home, and to his surprise his mom was standing in the kitchen. He walked closer to find her stirring a pot of bubbling chicken soup, and he tapped her on the shoulder. “Mama?” he signed, a flat hand flicking back with his thumb facing him. A tired half-smile filled his mother’s face. “AJ didn’t feel well, I let him stay home right after you left this morning.” Jeremy could hear muffled coughs from up the stairs, and he sighed. He had to tell his mom about the show before she found out some other way.

“You know how Stanton theatre got taken away after we did the show?” he hastily signed, the hand movements shaky. His mother’s eyes seemed to darken as he signed, as she expected the worst. “They got the money back and we are doing A Chorus Line.” he finger spelled out the title, even though he knew the show’s name sign. The dark expression on his mom’s face melted away into a grin. “Our favourite!” she said, tapping her middle finger against her chin as the sign for ‘favourite’. She broke out dancing in the kitchen, sloppy kicks barely missing Jeremy’s shins. “I’m so happy you are still doing the shows. They make _you_ so happy.” she signed. “I got Mark.” Jeremy quickly replied, and his mother looked completely shocked. Then she snorted and started shimmying her shoulders. “Mr Mazzu wants to put you in every scandalous role, doesn’t he?” she teased. Mr Mazzu’s name sign was a mix between the phrases for “teacher” and “silly”, as in he was silly for choosing crazy shows and getting way too passionate in class. “I’m proud of you.” she signed, then reaching up and ruffling Jeremy’s tawny hair. “Get started on your homework, maybe check on AJ?”. Jeremy nodded, kissing his mom on the cheek and going up the stairs.

He reached AJ’s door after finding a trail of Kleenex leading to it. His green hearing aids were still lit up, even though he was fast asleep in a cocoon of a blanket. Jeremy ended up passing the door to avoid disturbing him, and dropped his stuff in his own room. Things seemed to be looking up. As long as the past stayed there and he kept moving forward, none of the crap from the last few months would have to linger. At least that’s what he hoped.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**god i hope i get it  (michael hallowell, lexi jones, robbie thorne, 17+ more)**

february 12th, 10:42 pm

sasha: congrats everybody!

michael: this show is going to be increeedible

violet: i really enjoy the idea of masha as al/kristine

harmony: the entire cast looks incredible

cheryl: so many of us are no longer understudies

clark: does that mean the club is disbanded?

michael: of course not, the name would just have to be changed

jolene: not that you were ever a actual understudy *cough cough third lead cough cough*

violet: the tea has been spilt

francis: via, sweetie, i love you dearly

francis: but say tea one more time and i may or may not strangle you

annabelle: ditto

jeremy: no violence please

sasha: francis has done martial arts for years, i don’t doubt that he could

clark: don’t compliment francis, lexi might think you are trying to make a move on her man

lexi: who said we were together?

cheryl: and a wild jealous lexi has appeared?

lexi: i’m not jealous of anyone

gwen: sure jan

lexi: i’ll remember this when i am casting my next movie

simon: good to know that we have fallen back into our old ways

ariel: are you excited about your part simon?

_(simon saunders has left the chat)_

cheryl: nice job ari

jolene: don’t attack her cheryl, or i will attack you

annabelle: she and simon don’t know each other well anyway

jeremy: what happened to no violence jo?

maashous: hey y’all, miss you guys like crazy, i’ll definitely see the show!

kaitlin: MAASHOUS???

michael: M A A S H O U S

_(maashous evers has left the chat)_

gwen: holy shit

annabelle: language

gwen: who even added you back?

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maashous clicked the power button of his phone off as he heard heavy footfall up the stairs, and the door to the bathroom clicking shut. His mother was falling back into her usual pattern, he could feel it. She was ok for a few weeks, but soon she was leaving the house earlier and staying out later. This morning she wasn’t home before Maashous left for school. Technically speaking, Jefferson High had far superior teachers and facilities, but Stanton was Jeremy’s home. He missed it fiercely.

The medicine cabinet slammed shut in the bathroom, and Maashous heard the harsh sound of metal hitting tile. The door must have snapped off the hinges. He heard angry slurring from the bathroom, locking his own door carefully. Suddenly, and unwelcome thought crept into his brain. Why should I have to stay? Maybe it wasn’t necessarily unwelcome, just not ideal. Even so, Maashous found himself sifting through his closet to find an empty bag. He stumbled upon the backpack he brought to the lighting booth, and later Gail and Lou’s house. Suddenly, that thought didn’t feel so unwelcome, and the bag became filled with basic clothing items and toiletries. It couldn’t hurt to be prepared?

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simon’s blood was boiling with anger and frustration and fear, even a full day later. It was far before the warning bell for homeroom, but he was stomping up the stairs to the second floor and Mr. Mazzuchelli’s English classroom. As he neared the door, Simon found his pace slowing slightly. Was he really going to tell Mr. Mazzu to recast him for the second show in a row? Next time around he would be lucky to even be cast at all at this point. Screw it, he thought. He was too damn angry. He knocked on the dark wood of the classroom and was greeted by an absent-minded “It’s open, come on in,” from Mr. Mazzuchelli. He yanked the handle open and watched Mr. Mazzu tense up at even seeing Simon in his classroom. “Good morning Simon. I have a feeling that you want to talk to me about your role in the musical?” he spoke calmly. “Sir, I don’t think that you know the show particularly well, because I in no way fit the characteristics for Paul.” Simon struggled to keep his tone of voice even. “Paul is supposed to be an amazing dancer-“

“Which from the roles I have seen you in here at Stanton, you are.” Mazzu cut in.

“I’m white, and having me play him is whitewashing.” This one Mr. Mazzu didn’t seem to have an immediate response for. “Ms. Wolfe and I did talk about that, Simon,” he said. “She felt that Paul’s experience wasn’t conducive to being strictly one race even though the text may say a specific race. Plus it gives you room to develop the character. Paul lies about so much at the audition that day, maybe he was tiptoeing around the truth even with his name. It is a point for analysis.” The man had a point. Simon hated that he had a point. “He has an entire monologue about doing drag and being-“ he couldn’t even force the word of his mouth. “Being-“

“Gay?” Mr. Mazzuchelli interrupted. “You did an incredible job with Hanschen last semester. I mean, you and Jeremy had impeccable chemistry,” he said as he stood up from his chair. Simon’s face heated up. The two of them had barely spoken in the months since the show. “You know my family didn’t approve of that.”

“That’s what Paul thought too.”

The words hung in the hair above Simon’s head, and the silence between them for the few seconds seemed to swallow him whole. “He thought,” he said finally, “I know for a fact. I don’t understand why you are pushing this on me.”

“I just want you to fully understand why I gave you the part. Look, I think you could be incredible in this role, but you have to listen to yourself. If you are really that opposed to it, we could switch you with Robbie or Francis.” He seemed sincere, but Simon knew what the teacher in front of him wanted him to do. And even though every fiber of his being was screaming every reason why he should turn down the role and storm out, his mouth said-

“I’ll take the part.” Mr. Mazzuchelli looked legitimately surprised. “Good choice. I’ll see you at rehearsal tomorrow.” He sat back down into his chair and ducked his head back into the paper that was already drowning in red ink. Simon turned and walked away. He wished he could tell if he was doing the right thing, but for once, he quite honestly couldn’t tell for the life of him.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jolene thought that a read through on a Friday evening was an odd idea, but it wasn’t like she could skip it. So when the final bell rang, she went to meet Ariel at her last class as usual. But this time, standing in front of Ms. Schager’s history class, they had a destination to go to. Jolene leaned up against the lockers as a sea of juniors came streaming out of the classroom door. In the back of the group was Ariel, her dark hair barely visible in the pack of massive upperclassman, even in heeled Mary Jane shoes. Jolene could tell she was nervous, her shoulder scrunched up by her ears.

“Hey Connie,” she joked, “you ready for this?” Ariel looked startled. “Ready as I’ll ever be, Val.” she said quietly, dragging out the “a” sound in Val. “What would you think if I said I was inviting the troupe over for a Valentine’s Day party this weekend?” Jolene asked, trying to sound as if she hadn’t decided. “I would say you are totally nuts, it’s a recipe for disaster, and I’m totally coming.” Ariel giggled. Jolene raised her eyebrow, as she never pegged Ariel as the drama-loving type. “What? Free food, dancing, and high school romantic comedy style drama. I live for that sort of stuff!”

They entered the auditorium together, and found the entire troupe sitting in a circle on the stage with music binders in front of them. Ariel gave a little thumbs up and smile, which caused Jolene’s heart to melt and her walking to slow, watching Ariel climb up the stairs to get the score from Mr. Baer.

As soon as Jolene sat down in between Ariel and Cheryl, Mr. Mazzu and Wolfe rushed onstage to thunderous applause. “Welcome, everyone to Stanton High’s production of A Chorus Line.” said Mr. Mazzu, greeted with even more clapping and whoops from Michael.  

“We are so excited to be working with all of you, old and new, this is bound to be a very-“ Jolene assumed Ms. Wolfe was going to finish, only her speech was interrupted by someone entering through the stage right audience door. “Thank you for joining us Simon, take a script and take a seat?” said Ms. Wolfe. Simon half jogged to the music director to get his book, and awkwardly navigated around the troupe. He paused briefly while standing next to Jeremy, but ended up scurrying to sit with Gwen. Both Simon and Jeremy has unreadable expressions. “I sense there’s some tension there?” Ariel leaned in and whispered. “That’s an understatement.” Jolene responded.

“As I was saying,” Ms. Wolfe continued, “is that this year is going to be very special for everyone involved. It’s a very short rehearsal process, but I have faith that with the talent in this room, we will work-“

“Tracey! Lou!” a voice yelled from the back of the house. “I can’t get through one sentence, can I?” Tracey muttered. “How can we help you, Evan?” said Lou, obviously annoyed at the principal now coming down the center aisle. “Can both of you please come to my office? Now?” said Mr. Ward, adjusting his suit jacket and also looking extremely irritated. “Mr. Baer, let’s just do a read through and stumble through the songs?” Ms. Wolfe half questioned/half demanded as she scaled the stairs off the stage. She and Mr. Mazzuchelli followed Mr. Ward out into the hallway. There was some brief chatter pierced by the opening notes to the opening number. Now it was time to get down to business, and Jolene couldn’t wait.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Evan, I truly do not see what the problem is here. You said we could reinstate the program as long as we did a non-controversial, well-liked show.” said Lou “A Chorus Line was one of the longest running Broadway shows in history, it won 9 Tony’s and a Pulitzer for God’s sake!” Ms. Wolfe snapped, rolling her shoulders back. “I know these things already Tracey, you told me them when you chose the show.” Evan deadpanned. “The fact is that you agreed to let me have a say in the production, it’s in the modified drama contract. And I think that some of the lines need to be toned down.” What did you mean toned down? Making longer leotard skirts and making the kids say ‘gosh dang’ instead of swearing? Nowhere near realistic. Tracey knew that, and she wouldn’t let that happen. Not like what Spring Awakening did.

“I tried my hand at changing the text and we know how that worked on.” Mr. Mazzu said, almost reading her mind. “We are leaving the show as it is.” His voice seemed more serious than most other times Tracey had heard him argue. “None of the blocking or dancing will be suggestive, and we will make sure the kids fully understand everything going on.” she rationalised.

“That’s a given.” Lou nodded, rolling the sleeves of his corduroy jacket up to his elbows. Evan had been quietly nodding the entire time, inhaling then pausing, quite clearly choosing his words very carefully. Finally, he simply said “Alright.” Lou and Tracey shared an electric look. “As long as the PTA and I have an opportunity to see the play in its final dress rehearsal to ensure everything is appropriate, you have convinced me. But just know that you are still under pressure from me and the board to make up for the fiasco in the fall.” The two teachers nodded frantically, even though Tracey muttered “It’s a musical” too quiet for Evan to hear.

“We better get back to rehearsal.” said Lou. “I agree.” said Evan. Tracey felt a strange tone lingering in his voice like it was laced with poison. The whole offer seemed a little too good to be true. But it wasn’t like she was going to screw up the one chance she was given. “Alright Lou, let’s check on that read through.” she said, getting up from her chair as gracefully as possible and rushing out to the theatre. From outside the doors, she could hear a gentle piano backing and Annabelle’s soft head voice.

_“Please take this message to Mother from me.”_

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lilette came down the stairs to find Johnny hunched over his laptop at the kitchen counter, and he slammed his computer shut. She slinked past him to get the water bottle she needed from the cabinet, and slowly walked up the stairs. She could hear the tiny sound of the laptop creaking back open, and a muffled female voice. “Meet me in the alley. You know the one. I’ll have what you asked for.” The line disconnect sound then beeped wildly and Lilette scurried up the stairs. She now knew exactly what she had to do. “Honey? Everything alright? Johnny and I are leaving for the office party.” she heard her mom ask from down the hall. “Everything is fine, Mama.” she called back as she searched her room for her duffel bag.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_“She’d come home with her shoes in her hand.”_

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maashous hadn’t seen his mother since Wednesday night. Well, he had heard her at least. Looking out the window at the sunset, he took her absence as a sign. He quickly yanked the backpack out from under his bed and tidied up the room a tiny bit. That way his mother wouldn’t notice him being gone. Not that she would care. Besides, it wasn’t permanent. Probably.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_“Those stage and movie people got there because they’re special.”_

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lilette’s mother and Mr. Cruz had left almost a half hour ago, and she knew this was she shot. She turned off the lights in her room and placed the note she had prewritten under her mother’s alarm clock, with a tail of paper hanging out. She wanted to let her know that she was ok, but didn’t want to tell her where she was going. Lilette travelled down the stairs and placed her hand on the doorknob, her other one holding her duffel bag. She took one last look around her, taking a deep breath as if she could inhale her surroundings. With that one breath, she knew that was it, and slipped out the back door.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_“Swear to God and hope to die.”_

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Soon the rapping on Simon’s window became far too irritating to ignore. He rolled out of the warm pit of covers and stumbled across the room. The night was fairly lit with pale moonlight filling his room, but he turned on his phone flashlight too. This caused the face in his window to squint. A tan face with long brown hair and kind eyes, a blue duffel bag over one shoulder.

“Hey Saunders,” said Lilette through the glass, “how’s life?”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Lou, wake up.” Gail shook his shoulder. From his groggy state, he attempted to read the clock. “It’s 2:30 in the morning, what’s so important?”

“Someone rang the doorbell.”

After a few moments and groaning and forcing themselves up, the two were downstairs, wrapped in bathrobes. Lou, still sleepy, didn’t realise the face at the door would be such a familiar one. A lean teenager boy with a mop of curls, and a monochromatic grey choice of clothing. “Hi Mr. Mazzu, hi Ms. Mazzu. I hope it’s not a bad time.” said Maashous.


	3. the same to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi y’all! here is chapter three, this was a fun one to write for sure (because i know what happens and i am leaving all of you guys in suspense *laughs maniacally*). just letting you know that in this chapter there is a brief section about hospitalization, and a large section of the story involves alcohol/drinking. know yourselves, do what is good for your mental health. i think my new schedule is going to be posting new chapters on saturdays?? that is subject to change, but it appears that is the plan. finally, the master playlist for the story is up on spotify (it’s under the name “stanton high-a chorus line”, and it includes the playlist for chapter one that i didn’t include in the notes :D) enjoy chapter three: the same to you - <3 kat  
> ps. as i was editing, i discovered this chapter was very typo heavy? not sure why, hope it's understandable  
> episode playlist: (i still don’t understand how to line up the songs, but here are the songs that i can imagine in the background of the scenes)  
> take it all back  
> feel it still  
> angels  
> a boy of my own  
> two ghosts
> 
> here's the actual link!  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4pFOUURfVrebZJWflU0tkb

Lilette opened her eyes to sunlight streaming through the windows of a room that she hadn’t slept in since she was 12. She pushed herself up to sitting from her sleeping bag, and finally registered the room around her. The carpet, the dresser, the mirror, She really went through with it. She actually came back to Stanton. A smile filled her face. She shot up to find the bed empty, as expected. Simon Saunders was notorious for waking up at ungodly hours of the day. 

Suddenly, Simon appeared in the doorway as if he had been summoned, already fully dressed. He looked decently calm for a kid known for being uptight who smuggled in his best friend who moved away through his bedroom window. “I just told my mom that your mom had a business trip and didn’t want you staying home alone in a new city, so got with that.”

“Has she met my mother?”

“She kinda tunes her out whenever we actually see her.” he smirked.”Besides, it gives you some time to figure out what the hell you are even doing here.” The smile that had appeared on Lilette’s face vanished as she collapsed onto the bed. Simon was right. She ran away from home, without her phone, with no plan as to what she was going to do. “We’ll figure out what you are going to do later, let’s get through the weekend first.” Simon the mind-reader finally spoke, cutting through the silence that had filled the room. She was so, so glad to see that face again.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maashous woke up to the smell of pancakes and the sound of chatter from up the stair. He slowly rose up, taking in the room around him. He never thought he would see the basement again, but the world had a funny way of proving the impossible these days. He did it. He actually made it back to Stanton. The room suddenly felt a few degrees warmer. Maashous crawled over to the edge of the bed and looked into his duffel for a change of clothes.

A few minutes later, he was cautiously escalating the stairs to the kitchen. Only Mr. and Ms. Mazzuchelli knew he was here, so he had no clue how the kids would react. Especially Kaitlin. He reached the top of the stairs and found Ms. Mazzu flipping pancakes, the colourful apron draped over her shoulders not even tied in the back. Gordy looked up from his syrupy plate, and his eyes grew to about the same size as it. “Maashous?” he asked tentatively, like he was unsure of his vision. Maashous gave a sheepish little wave. Ms. Mazzuchelli swivelled around and gave a warm smile. “Good morning Maashous. There’s a plate of pancakes for you when you are ready.”

“Good morning.” he said quietly, as fighting erupted from down the hall. Sadie ran straight past him, clutching a leather notebook. “Give me that back!” a voice from down the hall screeched, increasing in volume as it got closer. 

Soon, Maashous was once again face to face with Kaitlin Mazzuchelli. Her hair was braided back, and she was wearing sweatpants and shirt so big it looked like it was swallowing her whole. She turned her head to face him, and her eyes suddenly registered. “Oh, Maashous.” she said, her tiny arms strangling him in a tight hug. “You’re finally home.” she whispered. “Yeah.” he replied.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey, Robbie.” Robbie was shaken awake by an unfamiliar grip on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to find Nurse Jeannie in her blue scrubs, purple bags under her eyes from working the night shift. “It’s time for her to go in.” Robbie nodded, and struggled to get up, his foot still asleep and his brain still groggy. He woke up immediately when he saw his mother. 

Her hair was wrapped up in a net, in preparation for surgery. His heart skipped a few beats in his chest. “You gonna be alright in there Mama?” he asked weakly. “Baby, I should be asking if you’ll be ok out here. I’ll be fine.” She reached out for Robbie’s hand, and he squeezed it tight. “I love you Mama.” he squeaked, trying to pull himself together. “Go home and eat something and clean yourself up.” That made Robbie chuckle. Even about to go into surgery, his mother was still unrelenting. “I love you bubby.” She hadn’t called him that since he was little. Robbie looked up at Nurse Jeannie and she nodded, bringing the anaesthetic mask down to his mother’s face. Her grip loosened as she fell asleep. 

Jeannie seemed to notice the concern on Robbie’s face. “Listen to your mom, go home and take care of yourself. The transplant will take a few hours, you can come back later.” Her expression was stone cold and stern, so Robbie picked up his jacket and backpack. “Thank you Nurse Jeannie.” 

“Thank you Robbie. I’ll see you later.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**god i hope i get it  (michael hallowell, lexi jones, robbie thorne, 17+ more)**

february 14th at 8:26 am

michael: guys i just realised something

clark: jesus christ it’s early mikey

michael: ms. wolfe never cast zack

gwen: how did none of us notice that earlier?

lexi: maybe we were all so fixated on ourselves that it slipped our minds

cheryl: maybe mazzu will do it?

francis: i dig that idea tbh

harmony: ditto

jolene: how about we stop talking about the show for 5 minutes?

jeremy: have you met us?

ariel: yeah joey, i barely know these guys, and they can barely go 5 sentences without saying “audition” or “sondheim” or “casting” or “dance belt”

annabelle: that’s revolting

violet: and there’s the tea

francis: VIA WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT TEA

violet: sorry!! it just slipped out

jolene: i MEANT we can talk about the party i’m throwing tonight

clark: we haven’t been to one since the football catastrophe at robbie’s house, have we?

jeremy: yeah, my shoes still smell like annabelle’s puke

violet: THE TEA HAS BEEN SPILLED

francis: VIOLET ELIZABETH BELL

annabelle: i’m going to murder jeremy and violet as they sleep

clark: so much for the anti violence campaign

jolene: foCUS DAMMIT

jolene: i’m throwing a valentine’s day party at my house tonight, troupe only, and we can initiate the new members

gwen: i don’t like the sound of initiation tbh

cheryl: i’m in

jeremy: same here

ariel: what’s the address?

jolene: 274 long ridge, just off of the main road through town. be there around 8?

harmony: if i come i’ll have to sneak out, and that did NOT go over well at robbie’s party

kaitlin: for now can you add the new troupe member’s numbers (also it’s really rude that the ensemble didn’t get added to the cast list)

harmony: i’m on it

jeremy: how does she have everyone’s number?

francis: she called a cousin who called a cousin who called a friend

ariel: this is what i mean about the musical references! and that song is about WEED

francis: i’m impressed new kid, that was an obscure one

(harmony added jason iwata, tate anderson, jason eisenberg, and 1+ more)

kaitlin: thanks h! 

jolene: see y’all there

february 14th, 11:04 am

sasha: guys i just woke up, what’s the plan????

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every town has the one house in the neighbourhood that all of the kid are terrified of. The creepy haunted one, with overgrown branches reaching out like fingers trying to snatch you up. That was Jolene’s house. And the whole troupe knew she liked it that way. And even though Gwen had been there dozens of times before, she still couldn’t help but feel chills running up her spine as she rushed up the front steps that evening. It was barely seven, the sky was already dark. 

She rang the doorbell twice, to have the door opened by Kaitlin. “Hey Gwen!” she said enthusiastically, the two space buns on her head bouncing. “Hi, Katie.” It was just after seven, and Gwen could hear chatter from down the stairs. “Everyone’s in the basement.” Kaitlin said, as she walked to the door leading downstairs. 

Various members of the troupe were scattered around on various couches and sitting on the carpet, a playlist of pop musical theatre music played in the background. Gwen walked over to the cluster where she saw Simon, Violet, and Cheryl. Gwen plopped down in between Cheryl and- ugh. “Hey Gwen.” Tate Anderson, Stanton’s resident gossip monger and fight instigator. Picture Jacob Ben-Israel from Glee, less Jewish, less male, more ginger, and turn up the annoying factor. “Hi Tate.” Gwen gritted her teeth, averting her eyes from them. “What were you guys talking about anyway?” she deflected.

“Francis and Lexi.” Cheryl wiggled her eyebrows. “I have never felt like more of a third wheel.” 

“Have you met this troupe? There are so many couples, it’s impossible to not be some kind of wheel.” snorted Simon. These days Gwen couldn’t read that kid. “Besides, Lexi would be caught dead before she would be caught in a relationship, because it would mess up with the ‘authenticity and focus on her craft’.” He wiggles his fingers in the air to signify quotes. Tate’s head suddenly snapped in Gwen’s direction. Oh crap. 

“Gwen would probably know something about that. You and Mazzu’s son?” they giggled. “I know you are a drama geek and all-“

“Have you looked around? This party is entirely comprised of drama geeks.” Gwen cut in. “I mean you can’t spend all of that time hanging around Mr. Mazzuchelli just for the show.” Tate smiled mischievously. “I think you are just trying to get in Gordy’s pants.” Gwen shifted her gaze. “I knew it! I knew it! How could-“

“Hey!” Violet cut them off. “How about we play a game or something? This room is feeling a bit too sober.”

“It’s 7:32.” Cheryl said, checking her phone for the time. “Who cares?” Jolene said, sticking out a hand for Ariel to grab and hoisting her up. “Thank you” Gwen mouthed. “Anytime.” Violet mouthed back.

“Alright you nerds! What do you want to play? Seven Minutes in Heaven, Spin the Bottle, Never Have I Ever, Truth or Dare?” Jolene called out. The vast majority of the room called back in favour of Truth or Dare, forming a circle in the center of Jolene’s basement. “Jo, are your parents home?” Sasha asked from Michael’s side, an upbeat song from Head Over Heels blasting from a speaker. “They’re at my aunt’s wedding, which is convenient for us to say the least.” Jolene said. That seemed to be a good enough explanation for everyone in the room. “Who’s up first?” Jeremy asked, glancing to the people around him.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things had escalated pretty quickly. What started out as friendly Truth or Dare to get to know the newbies had somehow developed a point system and the teams were shouting at each other. Don’t ask Ariel how that happened. Don’t ask her how an ensemble member named Andy Kippen’s hair gained a sparkly JoJo Siwa headband from Jolene’s sister and how he liked it. And don’t ask her how her team convinced her to do an improvised pas de deux with Clark in the middle of the basement. 

It wasn’t as awkward as she anticipated to be honest, Clark had good technique. By the end she was deadly serious, and managed to do the fouette combo that had been kicking her ass for six months into an arabesque, causing her team to gain a point and a few standing ovations. “You are so incredible!” Clark panted. “Ms. Wolfe said you studied at the School of American Ballet, I can see why they would want you.” Ariel’s already warm face got hotter, but a confused look passed over Clark’s face. “Why did you leave? You are obviously amazing if you did that with no practice.” He seemed suspicious. “Um,” she stammered, “well, the thing is-“

“Enough chit chat!” Jolene called from their team’s side of the room. “We have 20 points, we won!” Cheering and booing broke out across the room. Suddenly, Tate Anderson, one of the new kids stood up in the opposite team’s side. There was a suspicious glint their eyes as they feigned yawning and crossed their arms. “This party’s getting boring. How about some Seven Minutes in Heaven?” The room seemed to collectively nod their heads in agreement, re-forming the circle and placing an empty beer bottle. Ariel didn’t drink, but it was obvious some of her cast members were on the tipsy side. 

Jolene spun the bottle first. Ariel couldn’t help but notice how attractive she was, even partially drunk. She had tied her hair up in a bun halfway through Truth or Dare, and between the hair and the bomber jacket she was wearing, she gave off an uncontrollable bad-ass vibe. Ariel also couldn’t help but notice Jolene crossing her fingers on her right hand as she spun the bottle with her left. The mouth of the bottle landed on Francis Russo. At this point Lexi was too taken over by intoxication to care about Francis and Jolene scuffling off to the broom closet, but Jolene looked immensely uncomfortable. Ariel has never seen that expression before, and she certainly couldn’t read it. 

She heard Clark suck his teeth next to her. “What is it?” she asked. “Jo obviously isn’t happy.” his voice trailed off. “What’s wrong with Francis? He seems like a really nice guy.” Ariel furrowed her brow. Clark shook his head and chuckled. “There’s nothing wrong with him, minus the fact the Jolene is a raging lesbian.” Ariel was taken aback. “She never mentioned that to me.” she mumbled. “Did she not trust me?”. The words stung as they passed her lips.

“No way,” Clark reassured. “Ari, if anything, she trusts you more than most people. You see how blunt she is with everyone?” Ariel nodded. “Well, she is so much sweeter with you. You are the only person I have ever seen Jolene be legitimately nice to, and we have been friends since middle school. She must really like you.” A lightbulb lit up behind Clark’s eyes. “Oh my God.” he hissed, his voice suddenly lowered. “Jolene totally has the hots for you.” Ariel fidgeted with her bracelet. “No way.”

 

“Uh, yes way. I’ll bet you fifty dollars.” To Ariel’s surprise, he seemed serious. “Deal.” They shook hands. A few uncomfortable minutes later, Francis and Jolene emerged from the broom closet. “Alright!” Tate called out. “Who is our next victim- I mean volunteer.” Ariel could practically hear Gwen’s eyes roll from across the circle. A drunk Annabelle raised her hand. “Screw it.” She scooted across the circle to the empty bottle and spun it rapidly. The bottle turned wild circles across the carpet to the sound of hands drumming until the opening landed on the extremely tense face of Simon Saunders. Annabelle immediately seemed more sober. “I think I’ll pass.” Nobody seemed to dispute that idea. “Ok...” Tate almost sang, oblivious to the obvious awkwardness. “Who else then?” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simon had never been so glad to receive a text from Lilette Suarez, and that was truly something. Her message asking him to come home was salvation from the hell Jolene’s party was turning into. He vaguely excused himself from the circle, snatched his coat from off the sofa, and almost ran to his car. He slammed the car door behind him, and placed his head in his hands at the steering wheel. He truly did want to make up with Annabelle. But in a broom closet with her drunk at a party on Valentine’s Day was a recipe for disaster. 

He turned the key in the ignition and put his musical theatre playlist on shuffle as he reversed out of Jolene’s majorly creepy driveway. An unfamiliar song appeared on the monitor. 

_ “I don’t care how old I get, I would never treat my dancing boy this way.” _

Simon had heard about this show online, The Boy Who Danced on Air. He knew the show was dark and about an awful topic, but he still couldn’t help but listen.

_ “I’ll be there, when I have a boy of my own.”  _

Simon wasn’t an expert on the whole homosexuality thing, but he had a feeling the broken boy singing was talking about more than a dancing boy, he was talking about real love. 

_ “He’ll feel special” _

The lyrics seemed to pull Simon apart piece by piece. He didn’t mind though. 

_ “The way that I feel around you.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “I’m sorry if it’s not something you can say.” _

That phrase was a slap across the face. Whatever went through Simon’s head when he passed Jeremy in the hallway was more than all of his dates with Annabelle combined. He felt something in the orchard scenes that he couldn’t put into words, but that felt like sitting by the fireplace in the winter and chocolate chip cookies. 

_ “You can’t be alone” _

The song soon finished, but Simon was still lost in it. Wow. The second song ended as he pulled into his own driveway. No other cars were there, but he saw his bedroom light on. 

When he got up there, he found Lilette sitting at his desk looking at a Spring Awakening playbill. The haze he had fallen into in the car seemed to snap in an instant. “What are you going to do during school, Lilette?” She jumped three feet up. “I guess I could come with you.” she said shakily. “I mean permanently.” Simon said. “I know you ran away because of the situation at home, but what are you going to do about your grades, and your mom, and a living space other than the floor of my room.” his tone escalated quickly. He inhaled deeply. 

“I need to know what’s going on, Lili.”

“I wish I knew, Simon.” Lilette’s voice was on the verge of tears. “All I know is that I’m safer here than I will ever be in Philly. I’ll figure out school, and an apartment, but everyone here is my family. Not Mr. Cruz the drug dealer, you and Mr. Mazzu and Ms. Wolfe and Rob-“ her voice was cut out my racking sobs. Simon pulled her close. She shook with every breath. 

Suddenly all of his other angst faded away. Right now he just had to be there for his best friend. “We’ll figure it out.” he whispered. “I really hope we will.” Lilette whispered back. “Can I at least come to rehearsal with you on Monday? I have to see everyone.” Her voice was muffled by Simon’s sweater. “Yeah.” he said simply. “I’m so glad to have you back Suarez.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Classes on Monday felt like swimming through Jello trying to wait for rehearsal in the afternoon. Maashous has agreed to come work on the show, and she couldn’t wait to see him after school again. He always looked so precious when he was working on the light board. 

Kaitlin couldn’t have felt more grateful when the final bell pierced the air during geometry. She collected her things with Harmony, as Jason Iwata ranted in her ear. “I really like him Katie, but have you ever listened to Come from Away? Two gay people with the same name cannot date, it’s a sign for constant confusion. Jason Iwata and Jason Eisenberg being a couple would be a sign of the apocalypse” As she laughed, a stabbing pain hit her in the side; she grimaced as she picked her bag up off the chair. 

“Hey, are you ok?” Jason asked, his brown eyes full of concern. “You didn’t eat lunch, I have a granola bar if you need it.” Harmony began to reach into his pocket as sirens went off in Kaitlin’s head. “No,” she snapped a tad too defensively, “I ate a massive breakfast, I’m literally still full from it.” She shrugged and put the bar back into his pocket. “So,” Kaitlin diverted the conversation, “what grade is this Jason Eisenberg in?”

They reached the auditorium and found everyone in chairs onstage for music rehearsal. “Thank God we are singing today, my body is not ready to learn One.” Jason sighed as they took three open seats behind Robbie. “Come on everyone!” Ms. Wolfe shouted out, her voice carrying to the back of the house. “Firstly, I would like to welcome back Mr. Maashous Evers, working tech once again.” The room erupting in applause, but Harmony looked confused. “My dad was his principal, he would have told me if he was moving back.” Kaitlin never thought about that; why did Maashous come back? Her thoughts were cut into by Ms. Wolfe’s projection. 

“Everyone is going to be working on the group numbers, but I’m going to steal Gwen so we can work on Music and the Mirror in the green room. If everyone could take a seat-“ The house left door swung open, and Simon walked through. Ms. Wolfe sighed. “Simon, honey, you are going to have to walk faster from your last class so you aren’t late for every rehearsal.”

“Sorry, Ms. Wolfe, I had to collect a special delivery from Philly.” he said mysteriously. He moved to the right, and Lilette Suarez was there, in the flesh, with the biggest smile on her face. “Lilette?” a voice in front of Kaitlin asked. Sure enough, Robbie sprung up, and ran down the stairs to her. He wrapped her up and gave her a kiss worthy of a rom-com. It would have been a tad sweeter if Simon wasn’t directly next to them the entire time, but it was still adorable. 

The rest of the troupe eventually scurried over and gave Lilette a massive group hug. Kaitlin saw her dad walk through the wings onstage right, and his head snap towards Ms. Wolfe. “Lilette, when did you come back?”

“This weekend.” she forced out, being choked by Cheryl’s tight grip. “My mom’s company has a job across town, and so I will be here for a few days. But hopefully she’ll be stationed here if all goes well.” She smiled like Mona Lisa, and so did Kaitlin’s dad.

“We are so glad to have you here for at least a few days.” Strangely, it seemed like every phone in the room rang or buzzed simultaneously. Kaitlin knew that was odd, but it wasn’t until Jason gripped her arm that she thought something was really wrong. “Is her last name Suarez?” He squeaked. Kaitlin nodded hesitantly as he showed her the message. 

AMBER ALERT-PHILDELPHIA PA-LILETTE ISABELLA SUAREZ-16-PLEASE CALL TIP LINE WITH ANY INFORMATION

“What the hell?” she asked under her breath. “Lilette.” Ms. Wolfe said, her voice stone cold. “My office. Now please.” The rest of the troupe was left with dozens of questions and the sound of fading footsteps leaving the auditorium. 


	4. the gift was ours to borrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everybody! here’s chapter 4! to be honest, this is a bit of a filler chapter and i’m not particularly jazzed about my writing. BUT the next 2 chapters are going to be significantly better from the story planning i have done. just a quick question- would y’all be ok with lots of pop culture references in my stuff? I have a feeling that not everyone reading is american, but i have a lot of lil plugs that i hope are understandable. living in the northeast not too far from stanton gives me a lot of ideas in that vein, but i also high key want to reference some of my other stuff like andi mack and bare: a pop opera. would that be ok? i have rambled for far too long, i’ll insert the playlist nd the link, have fun with chapter 4! (once again, i apologise)  
> playlist for episode 4:  
> all i want-kodaline  
> here comes the sun-the beatles  
> somewhere only we know- miki rastula  
> grid- sean grandillo  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/kapriscott/playlist/4pFOUURfVrebZJWflU0tkb?si=X-JGRWAfTpO-rnN69xpKKQ

Mr. Mazzuchelli could practically feel Tracey’s already tight office closing in tighter as she paced back and forth. Lilette watched wide eyed from the couch. “Lilette,” Tracey said firmly, “what were you thinking?”

“I’ve told you everything Ms. Wolfe.”

“I don’t think you have.” The silence caused the walls to creep in further. “I know you Lilette, you must have some reason to drop everything in Philly and lie to Simon.”

“Look, you have to believe me. Staying with the Saunders is my best bet right now.” Tracey placed her head in her heads. “How about this.” Lou sighed. “We call your mom down here, we talk this through, and if she says yes, we’ll figure out a way for you to stay.”

“But-“ she interjected. “Either that or we will be forced to call the tip line and send you back.” Tracey snapped. “We’re worried about you.” The silence grew thicker.

“Fine. Call my mom.” With that Lilette swiftly stood up, and left the room without saying another word. Tracey turned to face Mazzu with a pained look in her eyes. “Something has to be going on Philadelphia, this isn’t like her at all.” Lou nodded his head solemnly. “We’d better call her mom and get her down here.”

“Agreed.” Tracey simply said.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robbie stood awkwardly next to Simon outside Wolfe’s office. They never really talked during Spring Awakening, minus Simon practically asking out Robbie for Lilette and hs rampage during tech week about the show cuts. There was no reason why they couldn’t be friends. There was a time that Robbie felt a sense of competition about Lilette, but that had dissolved over time. He decided to try out the friendship thing. “Hey.” Simon’s head turned quickly, and his posture immediately turned defensive. “Hi Robbie.” he forced out a smile. “Congrats on your part by the way, isn’t Paul kind of the lead?”

“Kind of. And thank you.” Simon shut down any possible conversation. So much for Robbie wanting them to get along. “So-” Robbie said.

“What is this about? Football season’s over so you can suddenly be friends with the drama kids?”

“That’s not why I’m-”

“Then why are you doing this?” Simon almost snarled. At this point, the door to the office swung open, and the argument stopped at the sight of a broken Lilette. Her shoulders were hunched and tense, a completely different girl that the one who walking into the auditorium that afternoon. “They said I could stay and they wouldn’t call the tipline,” she squeaked, “but they are calling my mom and bringing her down.” Robbie and Simon shared a glance, and their eyes declared a ceasefire. This wasn’t about them anymore. Lilette brought her gaze up. “Is everything going to be ok?” she asked on the verge of tears. “Yes.” the two boys said in unison. And they finally had an understanding.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**god i hope i get it  (michael hallowell, lexi jones, robbie thorne, 19+ more)**

february 16th at 6:47 pm

clark: holy cow

lexi: what just happened?

annabelle: i think that’s obvious

jason eisenberg: not literally annabelle

lexi: god bless you jason

harmony: it everything going to be ok?

kaitlin: i really really hope so

jeremy: how do we know that they weren’t talking about a different lilette suarez?

jolene: i have a feeling that there aren’t that many people with her name in the whole country, let alone someone the same and in the same town

gwen: also why would wolfe and mazzu be so concerned if it wasn’t true?

clark: detective strickland strikes again

jason iwata: *x-files music*

andy: nancy drew whomst?

violet: spilling the tea

francis: god dammit via

tate: if she says tea one more time we are deleting her from the group chat

gwen: who is this ‘we’ you are talking about? you haven’t even been in the program for a full week

francis: spicy strickland

gwen: call me that ever again and you will be killed by a flying character shoe.

violet: i would say tea, but i think i would get murdered

jeremy: let’s change the subject before war breaks out

jason iwata: i agree

cheryl: viOLET SAY SOMETHING OTHER THAN TEA THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR REDEMPTION

violet: all of you better be well stretched out and ready for choreo this week! We are doing dance rehearsals wed thur fri

ariel: fun!!!!!!

michael: more like a death sentence

sasha: give yourself some credit mikey

francis: who here believes that michael hallowell is an awesome dancer?

kaitlin: ME

francis: me! I can teach you to tap dance if you want

jolene: calm down mike costa

sasha: i agree! mikey can dance!  i feel bad that i slept through the party because he has the best dance moves

cheryl: have you seen him do hip-hop mid study break? iconic

robbie: i’ll see you guys tomorrow at rehearsal, i have to go

tate: will lilette be there?

gwen: shut up tate

jason iwata: here’s to hoping there are no murders within the stanton theatre department before a chorus line opens

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jolene went to the greenroom early Tuesday morning to get the history  textbook she forgot the day prior. As she approached the door, she heard calm music coming through the door. Jolene opened it slowly to find Ariel dancing. She was in dance shorts and a hoodie, her hair in a low bun and a ballet barre off to the side. Jolene knew she danced, but she had no clue that she came early to use the green room as a studio. She stood spell-bound in the doorway, and watched Ariel pirouette effortlessly.

_ “Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter” _

She extended her right leg up and held it there before turning her base leg and rolling to the floor. Jolene was mesmerized. 

_ “I say it’s alright” _

She had never seen someone dance like they were pouring out their soul. Ariel didn’t even need words. You could feel what she did with every step.

_ “Here comes the sun” _

Holy shit Jolene was in love. 

The song faded out and she was still frozen as she watched Ariel pack up her phone and dance shoes. “That was beautiful.” Jolene said before she could stop herself. Ariel looked startled. “I didn’t know you were here, I’m really sorry if you needed to get something, I-I” she stammered. “That was sloppy, I didn’t know you were here.”

“If that was sloppy, I don’t think I’m emotionally prepared for clean.” Ariel giggled in response. Jolene got the textbook from across the room, when her brain did a 180 flip. She remembered all of the questions that had been piling up since they met. It was now or never. “Did Ms. Wolfe say you transferred from SAB? The School of American Ballet?” she asked. Ariel nodded, her expression turning tense. “Yeah.”

“You never told me that.”

“Yeah.” Ariel answered as she put on a pair of leggings on. “Ari, why didn’t you tell me?” Jolene watched her expression turned panicked. “I didn’t think it was that important.”

“Dance is obviously important to you. why aren’t you still there training?”

“How do you know that I didn’t get kicked out for not being good enough?” she said coldly. “You are so past good enough, you should really be there. I saw you dance with Clark at the party” Jolene retorted. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Jo. I’m here, and I am probably going to be here for a while.”

“That’s the problem. Ariel Chun, you are far too talented to be in Stanton, you could probably be in a company already, but you are stuck in the Middle of Nowhere, PA.”

“That’s an exaggeration.”

“No it isn’t, you are just dodging the truth. I know you didn’t get cut.” Ariel tried to grab her bag, but Jolene snatched it. “Why can’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were a lesbian?” hissed Ariel. Jolene felt her face heat up. That was unexpected “Because it was none of your business.”

“Well, neither is this Jolene.”

“That’s different.” Ariel jumped up and grabbed her bag out of Jolene’s hand. “Do you want to know the truth?”

“Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to get the whole time!”

“Fine.” she walked to the door and spun around, like she was preparing to leave right after she spoke. “I got my SAB scholarship when I was 10. We were already living in Hell’s Kitchen, so we figured I could go. And it was great, I loved it there.”

“So what was the problem?” Jolene furrowed her brow, confused.

“My mom lost her job, and we lost the house. I couldn’t afford the boarding prices in the school, and the rent was too high anywhere else in the city for us to move.”

“What about your dad?”

“He died when I was 4.” The awkwardness intensified by 10 more degrees. “My grandma lives in Stanton and needed someone to talk care of her anyway. Nobody in town can speak Cantonese to communicate with her, so we moved in a few months ago.” There was a pain in her eyes that Jolene couldn’t begin  to understand. Ariel gave up her dream for her family, and didn’t think twice. “It isn’t like I was going to make it in the professional dance world. They want tall, skinny, white girls. To be honest I don’t know why I tried.” That’s when her voice broke, and the school bell pierced the air. “I have to go.” Ariel whispered.

“Ari, wait-”

“I have class. I have to go.” With that, she swung the door open and stormed away. Jolene had never felt helpless before. The feeling felt like being burned from the inside out; she couldn’t stand it.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Less than 24 hours after Lilette first walked into the doors of Stanton High again, she was stuck in Ms. Wolfe’s office waiting for her mother. She fidgeted with her shirt sleeve, her heart beating increasingly quickly. The door swung open, and in walked her mom. Her curls were in a frizzy bun, her shirt wrinkled, deep set blue bags under her eyes. “Lilette.” she said quietly. Lilette stood up and wrapped her mother in the tightest hug and didn’t let go. 

“I’m so sorry Mama.” she choked through sobs.”No,” her mom stepped back, her face stained with tears. “I’m sorry, mija. I trusted Johnny too much and too quickly. Before I even saw your note, I caught him buying coke at the work event we had the night you left.” Lilette knew it was true, but it still stung. She couldn’t believe someone could hurt her mother that way. “I didn’t say anything to him at the time, but when I saw your note, I panicked and called the cops. I thought someone hurt you.” they both started crying harder. “Can we please stay in Stanton, mama?” Lilette squeaked. Her mother actually laughed. “Honey, our stuff is in a UHaul right now. I’m not putting you back in danger again, I’ve done everything possible. Changed my phone number, called the credit card company.”

“What about school? Can I come back here?

“Of course.” 

“Really?

“Lilette, trust me, please. I am so sorry for everything that I have put you through. I need to be your mother.” Lilette couldn’t help but remember that awful argument in their old apartment, begging her mom to act like one.

“I have been looking at jobs, I even have an interview next week. Everything is going to be alright baby.” Lilette wanted to believe her so, so badly. “Maybe Ms. Wolfe could let you do the musical?” her mom smiled, wiping her eyes. “Maybe.” a voice from the doorway said. Lilette shifted her head to see Mr. Mazzu and Ms. Wolfe at the entrance of the office. “I’m glad that everything is alright, Ms. Suarez,” Mr. Mazzuchelli said genuinely. “I pick up that you will be back in Stanton permantately?” Lilette and her mother shared a glance. “Absolutely.” they said in unison.

“Ms. Wolfe?” a tiny hoarse voice was stood behind her. “Hi Harmony, is everything alright?” Ms. Wolfe asked, and Harmony emerged. She was wrapped up in a scarf, and she looked far from healthy. “I’m so, so sorry.” she rasped, handing a small sheet of paper to Mr. Mazzuchelli. His jaw dropped as he showed the paper to Ms. Wolfe. “Nodes?” she gasped. Harmony nodded sadly, and Ms. Wolfe wrapped her in a hug. “I’m so sorry sweetheart.”

“I’m visiting an ENT to figure out what to do, but I know that I definitely can’t do the role. I’m so sorry.” Harmony’s words dissolved into sobs. Mr. Mazzuchelli looked between Harmony and Lilette like he was watching a tennis match. “So. Lilette. How well do you know the role of Diana Morales?

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hello? Anyone home?” Sasha’s voice broke Michael from his thoughts. “Sorry Sasha.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just making sure you’re okay.” If anything, Michael should be worrying about her. They hadn’t talked about her procedure since it happened right after the last show months ago, and it was starting to weigh on him. Sasha held a curious expression. What are you thinking about?” Michael froze. He couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t tell her about how dysphoric the show was making him, how the idea of having a role focused on singing was a nightmare for his voice, and how doing a dance show in a binder was another nightmare. It wasn’t important enough. His mom scheduled the doctor’s appointment, everything would be solved soon enough. 

“Nothing important Sasha. Just about how when I came to pick you up for Jolene’s party, you were asleep on a plate of pizza.”  She blew a raspberry. “How about I distract you from that horrible visual-”

“It was actually adorable.” Sasha’s hair fell in front of her face, and Michael brushed it back. “Besides,” he continued, “from what I heard about the party, it sounded like nothing but irresponsible teenagers and angst.” She raised an eyebrow. “That just sounds like Spring Awakening.” Suddenly, their Wendla walked through the door, but Sasha didn’t notice. “Did you hear about Jason Iwata and Jason Eisenberg at the party? Or what Tate heard about Gwen and Gordy- oh my god.” Michael assumed she suddenly noticed. Trailing behind Lilette was Mr. Mazzuchelli. They climbed up the stairs to the stage and the room went quiet. 

“So,” Mr. Mazzu’s voice was booming, but there was a tone of nervousness underneath. “We have a slight change in casting.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sky had turned dark by the time Jeremy walked up the front steps of his house. He flicked the light switch in the doorway, and AJ came dashing down the stairs. “Hi Jere!” he said enthusiastically. “Hey kiddo.” Jeremy replied, ruffling AJ’s sandy hair. They had always looked freakishly similar, but as he got older the resemblance became even more uncanny. “How was your day, AJ?”

“It was ok.” he said sounding bored, and a millisecond later, his face lit up. “I forgot! We ordered my new hearing aids! They are going to be camo.”

“Oh my goodness, you are getting the world’s first invisible hearing aids?” Jeremy gasped jokingly. AJ scrunched his nose. “Ha ha, very funny.” His mom walked in, smiling widely. “I’m making brownies of AJ’s bake sale” she signed. “Can I get some help in here?” Jeremy and AJ shared a look. “Are you done with your homework?” Jeremy signed so his mom could understand. AJ nodded frantically, and ducked into the kitchen. “How’s the show? How’s Lilette? How’s Simon?” his mom did Simon’s name sign: a twirling hand motion around her face for ‘beautiful’, followed by the letter S. Jeremy rolled his eyes in response. “I think AJ might burst if he doesn’t get his hands on some baked goods immediately.” he diverted the topic. “Ok, change the subject, I see you being sneaky.” she wiggled her eyebrows as she signed, and went into the kitchen. 

Jeremy dumped his homework on the kitchen counter, and began to work on some physics calculations. Unfortunately, his mother and AJ were being particularly distracting, flicking batter when the other person’s back was turned. It was hysterical to say the least.

A few hours later, when the brownies were baked and packaged, Jeremy was the only one downstairs. He had finished his homework a little while prior, but he stayed there to watch a show on his computer and maybe sneak a brownie or two. He was almost ready to go upstairs, when he heard the front door creak open. Jeremy immediately grabbed a steak knife out of the drawer next to him. “Hello?” he called out cautiously, AJ was fast asleep, and his mom obviously couldn’t hear anything. He crept towards the door slowly to see the figure that opened it. It was a tall, broad-shouldered man in a leather jacket. The shadow was enough to make Jeremy’s heart beat faster. It couldn’t be him. Could it? He flicked the lightswitch to light up the dark living room, and it was just as he suspected. The infamous face with a little stubble, one green eye and one brown. “Hey there, Jeremy.”. Jeremy was frozen, and clenched his hand around the knife. This wasn’t really happening. “What? No ‘welcome home’ for your own dad?”


	5. it's as if we always knew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi y’all! here is chapter five! this thing was a BEAST to write, but i am really excited about how it turned out. BIG TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: there is heavy discussion of eating disorders starting at “Kaitlin didn’t exactly have the most reliable memory of what happened. “, and a major trigger warning for abuse starting at “ ‘At the Ballet’ had been running through his thoughts all day “.as someone who has had a fair amount of experience with both, i do not want to be a negative force toward anyone’s recovery. please please please stay safe and know your limits. a big thank you as always to amazing editor/helper extraordinaire hannah. alright, i’ll paste in the spotify link and get to the chapter! thank you all so much for the support, it means so so much to me <3
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4pFOUURfVrebZJWflU0tkb

“Simon? Can you come downstairs and help set the table?” his mother called from the dining room. “I’ll be right there Mom!” Simon called back. He yanked a sweater on over his head, slipped some shoes on his feet, and trudged down the stairs. He stopped in the kitchen to grab three plate and three sets of silverware. He placed them on the table neatly around the eggs and bacon and fruit. His mother tutted and shook her head. “We need another set.”

“Mom, Lilette got her stuff yesterday, she is staying somewhere else with her mom now.”

“I’m not talking about Lilette, sweetie.” A smile hinted at her lips. It couldn’t be- 

“Simon?” a little voice called out from near the door. Simon rushed out of the dining room to find Emma, suitcase in hand, hair tangled from travel. “Emmie!” he gasped as her grabbed her and wrapped her up in a hug. “Simon, I can’t breathe!” she choked out as Simon placed her back on the ground. “Why are you home, Emmie?”

“She was suspended for getting into a fight with a classmate. She will be here for a few days while the administration decides what her punishment will be.” The smile that had been spreading across her face vanished very suddenly at the sound of her father’s voice. Simon hesitated for a moment. “How about we get some breakfast into her before we start scolding?’ Simon’s mom had mastered the art of redirecting years ago, and he had begun to pick up her tactics too.

“I made waffles!” his mom called from the table. This caused Emma to drop her bag and rush over, glad to evade the tension forming in the entryway. “What do you think is going to happen with St. Mary’s?” Simon questioned. “Don’t pretend that you care about the school, Simon.”

“I care about my sister and where she is happy.”

“If you really did you would probably think about your actions a tad more thoroughly.” his expression was stone cold. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I think you know..” With that, he swiftly followed Emma into the dining room, leaving Simon in the entryway, confused as ever.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ariel was draped over the ballet barre stretching that Wednesday morning. She was doing developpes on her right leg when the door creaked open. Once again, she was face to face with Jolene Brooks. “Hey.” Jolene said meekly. Ariel had never seen her be meek before. It was quite strange. She brought her leg down and turned to face Jolene. They hadn’t talked since the fight, and Ariel was assuming that’s was Jolene wanted to do. Talking was so difficult. Why couldn’t the world just let Ariel dance, no strings attached?

“If you are here to yell at me again for leaving New York, you can spare me the lecture.” Ariel grabbed the grey wrap sweater hanging on the barre and pulled it over herself.

“I actually wanted to apologize to you.” she said walking in, the door creaking closed behind her. “You shouldn’t have to, you were right. I do miss it.” Ariel admitted, sitting down on the nearby couch. “Doing such a dance-y show is making me realize how much I miss it.” she sighed, fidgeting with her hands. “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.”

“You see, that’s where you are wrong.”

“What?” Ariel whipped her head over. “You were meant to dance, Ari.”

“You don’t have to say that just to make me feel better. I’m not as good as you imagine me to be.” Jolene shook her head as she sat next to her on the couch. “For once in my life, I really do mean something.”

“For once?” Ariel giggled, then stopping suddenly as the noticed the solemness on Jolene;s face. “Ask anyone it the troupe, hell, ask anyone in this school, and they will tell you that Jolene is that sarcastic lesbian girl who cannot physically be sincere with someone. Like it’s in my DNA that I am allergic to real connections and I make jokes when I feel like I’m not in control and I really hated that for a long time. And then you came along.” 

Ariel could feel something aching in her bones, telling her to go for it. What was  _ it _ ? She didn’t exactly know. Jolene turned and give a real smile. “You are so kind, and funny, and smart, and everything that I’m not. You’re the one person who can make me feel so out of control but not mind.” Ariel recognized what the  _ it _ was. Jolene’s hands were shaking. “You know what happens when you dance?” she had a nervous smile on her face. “I really see you. You have this impression that you don’t have much to give the world, but when you dance, I see how much you have already given it.” Ariel wanted to do the  _ it  _ so, so much. Jolene looked down at her scuffed Doc Martens. “I really, really like you Ariel. And that’s terrifying to me. But I felt like maybe, if I told you, I would feel a little less afraid.” She locked eyes with the shaking Jolene, and lifted her chin with two fingers. “I forgive you, Jolene.” she said gently. 

What happened next shocked both of them. Ariel kissed her. And she really, really, really liked it. Jolene’s lips tasted like was fireworks looked like. In that moment, Ariel had never been so content. It was the feeling of her mother’s tea in the bitter winter, warm and comforting. It was a millisecond and an infinity at once. It was nothing and everything. And the most shocking thing was, Jolene kissed her back. When they pulled away, Ariel’s mind was completely blank. Except for one thought, that it.

“Holy shit.” Jolene muttered, a smirk lingering on her lips. Yup. That was the sentiment.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Everybody warm and ready?” Violet called out. She was running the rehearsal while Ms. Wolfe and Mr. Mazzu were in a faculty meeting. Olivia, one of the band kids, was playing the piano in Mr. Barr’s absence, as she was one of the few competent members of the Stanton orchestra. 

Gwen inhaled deeply, tightened her ponytail, and looked left and right to check her spacing. Robbie was to her left, jumping up and down to keep warm and chatting with Lilette, and Kaitlin was to her right. She had deep bags sunken underneath her eyes, as if she hadn’t slept in days. Her hands shook slightly under the sweater she was drowning in. “Hey,” Gwen whispered “you alright Kait?”. Kaitlin forced out an insincere smile and nodded. “I’m fine Gwen, just tired out.” Gwen didn’t have time to dispute, as Olivia began to play the introduction to the opening number. 

Gwen ran through the jazzy choreography without thinking particularly hard about it, the piece thankfully becoming muscle memory. The music switched into the accompaniment for the ballet section, and everyone scurried stage left as they were instructed to. The first ballet group was comprised of Tate, Annabelle, Lilette, and Ariel. Ariel was obviously the most natural dancer of the group, but Gwen was impressed with the other three, even God awful Tate had decent technique. In all of the shows she had been in, this was some of the most difficult choreography she had ever learned, and everyone seemed to pick it up so quickly. Gwen couldn’t help but notice Kaitlin resting her hands on her knees, breathing heavily as if she was holding herself up; that was odd, because Kaitlin had some of the most dance training in the cast. She ate, slept and breathed theatre. It was unlike her to be so worn out from half of one number. 

Next, it was time for Gwen’s group with Cheryl, Kaitlin, and Lexi. Gwen kept her mind fixed in her memory, paying attention to turning out pointing the sickled feet that she was infamous for at her studio. Suddenly, mid turn, she saw Kaitlin drop. “STOP!” Violet yelled. The piano jarringly got chopped off mid chord. Cheryl and Lexi rushed over to Kaitlin, Gwen following. “She blacked out, somebody get Mazzu and Ms. Wolfe?” Cheryl called. Gwen saw Maashous running out of the auditorium through the house. Francis and Cheryl picked up Kaitlin to standing, her arms wrapped around their shoulders but still not responding. Olivia said “Everyone give her some air, don’t crowd her. They’re taking her to the nurse, stay calm.” Gwen could see Olivia shaking though. “I’m assuming rehearsal is cancelled?” Jolene asked sarcastically, getting an elbow from Jeremy. Violet gave a single nod, and Sasha ran up to her. “How is Mazzu going to react?” she asked nervously.

“Is she going to be ok?” Jason Eisenberg questioned from upstage.

“I have no idea.” Violet shook her head.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maashous hadn’t run so fast in months. He practically tripped over himself to get to the office, frantically opening the door to the conference room. The room was filled with teachers, Mr. Ward at the head of the table. “Maashous, this meeting is for faculty only.

“Please-“ he panted. “I need Ms. Wolfe and Mr. Mazzuchelli. It’s an emergency.”

“What happened? Ms. Wolfe asked, shooting up from her chair and ignoring the dirty looks from her fellow teachers. “It’s Kaitlin.” Maashous simply said, and Mr. Mazzuchelli jumped too.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kaitlin didn’t exactly have the most reliable memory of what happened. One minute she was in rehearsal, then darkness closed up around her and she woke up in the nurse’s office in the sick bed. There was a wrap around her arm so the nurse could check her blood pressure. Maashous sat in a chair across the room as Ms. Wolfe and Mr. Mazzu whispered in the doorway. The fuzziness around her seemed to dissipate, and was replaced by a dull ache Kaitlin had trained herself to ignore.

“You have really low blood pressure sweetheart, that’s probably why you collapsed.” Nurse Rosa said, her concern seeping into her tone as she removed the wrap. “I’ll go to the cafeteria and get you a some fruit to raise your blood sugar.”

“You really don’t have to do that.” Kaitlin said, still groggy. Nurse Rosa shook her head, and Mr. Mazzu and Ms. Wolfe followed her out. Maashous hadn’t moved an inch since she woke up. “What happened in there, Kait?”

“It’s nothing.” she said. She move her hand out from behind her head and a good amount of hair came with it. She flicked it aside, hoping Maashous wouldn’t notice. She had a feeling he did. “Kaitlin, when was the last time you ate something?” Maashous asked. He sounded cautious, like his very voice was walking on eggshells. “Breakfast, remember? I had cereal with you and Gordy, Sadie was mad because he finished the Cinnamon Toast Crunch?”

“That’s where you are wrong Kait, because I didn’t see you take a single bite of it, you gave the whole bowl to Sadie when she got mad about Gordy finishing the cereal.”

“So I wasn’t hungry then,” she deflected, “I ate dinner last night, my dad made soup?”

“You stirred it around the bowl and poured it back into the Crock Pot when you thought nobody was looking, just like how you thought nobody was looking when you gave Mr. Hensley’s cat your tuna sandwich yesterday before we walked to school.” 

Kaitlin suddenly didn’t have any words left. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Do you think I want to?” Kaitlin’s voice became choked up with tears. “You think that this is a choice? That I woke up one day and love the feeling of being empty all the damn time? I hate that I have become this Maashous.” A tear blazed a trail down her cheek, landing in her lap. “You are beautiful Kaitlin, but I don’t want you to get hurt because you think that starving is natural, and that you aren’t beautiful unless you are a skeleton.” He stood up and walked toward the bed. “When the nurse gets back, eat what she brings you?”

“Why should I?”

“You need something in you to function.” He brushed her bangs out of her eyes carefully. If Kaitlin’s heart wasn’t already beating unnaturally fast from anxiety, it would have sped up from love sickness.

“Fine. I’ll take the banana, or whatever Nurse Rosa brings back. But you cannot tell anyone.” Maashous suddenly jerked his head back like he touched a hot stove. “Kaitlin, you need to get help.”

“My parents already have enough going on with make sure Gordy doesn’t relapse, and keeping Sadie’s ADD under control. They shouldn’t have to worry about me. Plus if I get sent to some treatment center, I won’t get to do the show.”

“The show shouldn’t be your priority, your health-”

“Just promise me, Maashous.” Her voice was laced with desperation. “Once the show closes, I can figure it out.” As she said those words, Ms. Wolfe, Nurse Rosa, and her dad neared the doorway. Maashous had a panicked expression written across his face. “Alright.” he said unconvincingly. “Whatever you want.” 

Kaitlin wiped her face quickly, and when the nurse came into the room, she took the orange offered to her. She peeled it very carefully, each peel like a shred of her dignity. But she ended up lying to Maashous. She only ate three pieces of it. The rest got wrapped in a tissue and left in the trash next to the bed. Nothing was wrong with her. Maashous didn’t know what he was talking about. Nothing was wrong.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**god i hope i get it  (michael hallowell, lexi jones, robbie thorne, 19+ more)**

february 18th at 4:18 pm

violet: hey y’all, we added a rehearsal for tomorrow to make up for losing time today

violet: i hope you are ok kaitlin <3

lilette: sending good vibes over your way!

jeremy: what even happened?

tate: maybe she just wanted to get out of rehearsal

gwen: shut up tate

francis: shut up tate

robbie: what the actual hell 

annabelle: right now let’s just make sure she’s ok instead of gossiping about her

simon: i texted her, she didn’t answer

michael: i talked to maashous, he said it was just a blood pressure thing and she’s fine

jolene: god this troupe is dropping like flies, harmony getting sick and now kaitlin? 

ariel: i hope we aren’t cursed, i don’t want to see anyone get hurt

_ (harmony curtis has left the chat) _

lexi: nice job ariel

jolene: don’t talk to my girlfriend that way

jeremy: wait wHAT

andy: GIRLFRIEND???

sasha: I SHIP IT

jason iwata: y’all it’s canon!!!! the jariel ship is sailing!!!!

clark: on a tOtaLLy UnReLaTeD note, ariel now owes me 50 dollars

ariel: oh crap i forgot about that

jolene: wait what 

kaitlin: seems like i missed a lot

jason eisenberg: hey kait!

feburary 18th, 5:23 pm

sasha: well this is awkward \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jeremy couldn’t force the damn song out of his head. ‘At the Ballet’ had been running through his thoughts all day, and every time he thought about the actual words, the closer to home they hit. He wish he wasn’t thinking about them at all. He was certainly in an awful mood.

_ Daddy always thought the he married beneath him, that’s what he said, that’s what he said _

He opened his front door and was greeted with a wall of musty scent. Oh no. Not again. This couldn’t be happening.

_ He informed  my mother he was probably her very last chance _

“Jeremy?” a deep voice slurred from the kitchen. “Get in here.”

_ She married him. _

“Is there a problem? Where’s Mom, where’s AJ?” Jeremy asked as he inched closer. He hated how easily he could slip into that part of himself, that tightrope walk that he mastered after living with a drunken beast for 13 years. “At his soccer game. Or basketball game. Maybe hockey. I don’t give a shit. Don’t use that tone with me young man, have some respect.” his words were fuzzy sounding because of the alcohol, but sharp feeling. Jeremy didn’t want to feel like that scared kid he used to be when his father was around. He placed his backpack on the ground of the living room. Big mistake. “What was that?”

_ Life with my dad wasn’t ever a picnic, more like a come as you are. _

“Nothing, I swear.”

“Don’t swear at your father.”   
“I wasn’t swearing-”

“Have some goddamn respect for your elders.” His tone was increasing. Red alert. Abort mission. “

You have lost all of your discipline since I have been gone, haven’t you?”

“No I-” The cracking of a slap to the cheek cut of Jeremy’s speech. He hear it before he felt it. The stinging red hot sensation took a second to before searing into his face. He could feel a mark forming there. It was too late to turn back. 

“I,” Jeremy struggled to keep his tone even “have to do my homework.” He tried to reach for his backpack, doge it all together. That was his next mistake.

“You can’t be in the same room with me for five minutes? You have to make those stupid excuses? I bet you are failing anyway.”

“No, I-” A punch to the stomach caused him to stop and gag, doubling over and folding in half like a sheet of paper. 

It was in these moments that Jeremy always noticed something new. How the light reflected off of the cracked tile formed by his father the night before he left. How he always wore the same point toed shoes when he went out drinking at night, like he was ready to do some kicking. And how he always did. And how when he started again after going sober for a few days it wouldn’t even be the night when we left to go party. 

“Please stop-” It was too late. The pointy boots suddenly became very important. 

_ He wasn’t warm. _

Why did Jeremy stay downstairs in the kitchen that night he came back?

_ Well, not to us. _

An empty beer bottle toppled over and shattered on the floor, as Jeremy shut his eyes and his world shattered around him. Not again. Not again.


	6. love is never gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi y’all! i am so, so sorry for the late upload, i have mc-fallen off track a bit. i just finished closing weekend of a show, and now i am in the final stretch for another one, so it’s been a bit hectic. this chapter is a bit on the short side despite the delay, but it is full of plot (and probably one of the best ones thematically in my opinion.) a trigger warning for this chapter: jeremy’s first section through simon’s include allusions to abuse (therefore from “The next day had been one of the worst in Jeremy’s life” to “...he wasn’t going to hurt him again”), so please be careful if that is an area of concern for you, and stay safe. i’ve realized that i haven’t actually inserted my tumblr, so if you want to follow me there, i’m @massivekatastrophe. I’ll put in the link for the spotify, and as always, enjoy! (hopefully i will be back on a semi-normal posting schedule soon!)  
> soundtrack link (starts from 'episode' one!)  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4pFOUURfVrebZJWflU0tkb

The next day had been one of the worst in Jeremy’s life, and that was truly saying something. He managed to get out of the house before his father woke up from his beer induced haze, but school was a nightmare. He had to steal is mom’s foundation to cover the red slap mark on his cheek, and that made him late for school as he tried to sneak it back into her bathroom. She had no clue any of the events of the night before occured, and he wanted to keep it that way. The fact was, Jeremy had no clue why she let their father move back in again. He wasn’t going to drag her into his personal hell, he could manage on his own.

“Jeremy?” Andy Kippen waved his hand in front of his eyes, breaking him from his haze. He was biting his nails, obviously trying to get Jeremy’s attention for a while. “Are you ok, Jeremy?” asked Lilette, lying down on her stomach, a purple flannel draped over her shoulders like a blanket rather than a shirt. The cast was in the wings as Simon ran his big scene onstage, with Mr. Mazzuchelli reading for Zack. “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” he lied. Andy and Lilette shared a glance, and decided to leave the topic alone, continuing to watch Simon in his scene. He was hunched over as he gave his monologue. 

_ “Finally, I went down to the Principal's office and said ‘I'm a homosexual.” _ the word snagged in his throat and came out like an awkward cough. He shook it off, and Jeremy couldn’t tell whether is was a character choice.  _ “Well, it was a Catholic high school at around nineteen sixty-two and at the age of fifteen you just didn't say that.” _ he said. Simon used to be Jeremy’s escape. He used to watch him walk up to the board in bio, always so confident that he would get the question right. He would get to be serenaded by him during Spring Awakening and his breath would hitch in his throat. And then he kissed him in the parking lot that day. And then onstage again not too long after. And then everything went to shit. No more texts, no more calls, Simon would see him in the halls and suddenly decide to turn the other way. Jeremy didn’t know what he did wrong. And as Simon kept reciting his lines, literally and metaphorically speaking, he couldn’t escape anymore.

_ “I was going on for the finale and going down the stairs and who should I see standing by the stage door but my parents.”  _ he continued, pacing toward stage left. Jeremy’s heartbeat got faster. Not this monologue, not today, God awful timing. He felt his throat tighten and his eyes water up and it took all of his strength not to start bawling. You could hear a pin drop in that theatre. Stupid Simon being so stupid good at his stupid job.

_ “My father turned to the producer and said ‘take care of my son-” _ Jeremy couldn’t control it anymore and choked out a sob. Every head in the room jerked his way and he turned beet red. He couldn’t stop crying. Memories flickered through his mind, all of the drunken night and broken beer bottles and broken kitchen tiles and hiding and uncomfortable chairs in the middle school main office and all of the running and running and running. He shot up and started doing just that. Ignoring everyone around him asking what happened and if he was ok and if he needed any help, he unfurled from the ball he had curled into and ran out the backstage left door that led to the parking lot. 

He ran out the door and outside. He forgot his coat and he didn’t care. He couldn’t breathe he couldn’t think, he didn’t care. He could see the concerned faces of teachers and kids leaving sports practice, and he could hear Ms. Wolfe shouting from the door asking him to come back and he didn’t care. He couldn’t anymore. He had cared for far too long. Eventually he collapsed down on the curb, 12 feet from where he kissed Simon for the first time. He finally broke.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He watched Jeremy run out while he was mid-show, mid-scene, mid-sentence onstage during rehearsal. Simon glanced over his shoulder as he saw the blur of his soft blue sweatshirt zoom out of the wings. Ms. Wolfe called out for him from the dor, and the room that was full of concerned questions turned silent. “Mr. Mazzu, can I talk to him?” he asked.“Simon, he obviously wants to be left alone, let’s continue with the scene.” he said from the audience. Every molecule in Simon’s body knew that he had to do  something to help. What was the  _ something _ ? “How about we take it from your line-”

“Mr. Mazzuchelli, I’m sorry, I have to go talk to him.” That was part of  _ it _ . Before his teacher could argue back, Simon followed Jeremy out the door into the cold snap of Pennsylvania-February.

_ If I were Jeremy, where would I have disappeared to? _ Simon didn’t have to ask the question for long, as he heard muffled sniffles and cries around the corner from the stage door. He turned to find Jeremy tightly compacted into a ball, shivering from both the cold and his cries. “Jeremy?” He didn’t poke his head up. “It’s Simon.” He lifted his head slightly, and ducked back into his knees. “Please go away.” he wailed. Simon considered it for a moment. But in that millisecond of hesitation, he realized the  _ something _ . What he sang about in his audition in “Something’s Coming”, what he felt when Jeremy ran out rehearsal. He couldn’t ignore it anymore. He tried, and that did not work out as planned. The  _ something _ was that he was head over heels. 

“Jeremy, what happened?” Another choke escaped Jeremy’s lips, then he gasped and collected himself, lifting his head and dropping his shoulders. His eyes were glassy, dark blue bags underneath. He wiped tear tracks, and in turn wiped away a layer of tan that stained the cuffs of his shirt. It revealed a red patch on his left cheek, shaped like a hand. “Take your time, Jere, I’ll be here.” his words wavered as the shockwave of realization hit him. “I swear I’m fine, I just want to be alone right now.”

“Ok, if that’s what you want.” Simon slowly stood up, putting up his hands. He turned around, but before he could take a step-

“Wait.” Simon turned back, and Jeremy hadn’t moved an inch. “When I was 13, my father left me and my mom and my brother.”

“Oh.” he added unhelpfully as he sat back down. Jeremy’s hands visibly shook. Simon didn’t know if it was from the cold or emotion. It was probably a combination. “It was definitely for the best, he was” his voice trailed off, “manipulative. You could call him that. Maybe abusive is the better word.” he spat out the words like they were poisonous. He pivoted to face him and gave a fragile, completely fabricated smile. “He came back.” As Jeremy finished speaking, the sobs returned, even harder than before. He collapsed into Simon’s grey sweater, no words necessary. The boy felt broken. “It’s going to be ok. I promise.” Simon whispered. And perhaps, in that moment, it would be. He came to the conclusion that he was going to make things right. He found his  _ something,  _ scratch that,  _ someone, _ and he wasn’t going to hurt him again.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they took the city home, Sasha watched as Michael fiddled with the top button on his shirt anxiously. She knew that when he did that all wasn’t right in his head, so he was trying to 

fix the littlest thing he could control. Not a good sign. But thankfully, she had some good news. 

“Hey Mikey?” He looked up from the buttons, his face pale in the fluorescent light of the bus interior. “Hi Sasha,” he said, forcing a smile, “what’s up?”

“I could ask the same of you kiddo.” she said, playfully elbowing him in the bicep. He winced a little too hard for her comfort. “Did I hurt you? What happened?”

“It’s nothing, it’s just” he hesitated, seeming like he was choosing his words carefully. “I got my first shot of T yesterday. My arm’s kinda sore.” Sasha gasped, and a thousand firecrackers got lit in her chest at once. “Oh my god!” she shouted, a little too loudly for the other commuters on the bus from their expressions. “That’s amazing!” she said, her tone lowered. But Michael’s face read otherwise. “What’s wrong with that though? Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“My parents can only afford it for a few months right now, and after that I don’t know how I can pay for it and-”

This was the perfect opportunity. Sasha tutted rapidly “Say no more, because  _ that’s _ where my plan comes in.” She grabbed her phone from her backpack and pulled up the website link from her web history. She wiggled her eyebrows and laughed like an evil scientist from a children’s halloween movie. “Read it and weep, Mikey.” 

Michael gave her a suspicious glance, before reading the screen. He immediately clapped his hand over his mouth. He froze in sheer shock for a few moments before asking: “Are you serious?”

“Of course I am you dork, I am a woman of my word.” Sasha did a little bow from her seated position, her army jacket sleeves covering her hands. “Your consultation is next week, no charges whatsoever. The company covers all of the fees, and they are completely trustworthy, I checked with a bunch of articles online.” 

Michael’s lower lip quivered gently. “You did all of that for me?” Now Sasha was definitely fired up. “Michael Elliot Hallowell, I care more about you than I have ever cared about a person before, and I know this is what you want. So show up at that doctor’s appointment next week and take it. Ok?”

“Ok.” The bus squeaked to a stop, and Michael stood up. “Thank you, Sasha.” he had a genuine smile on his face this time. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He disappeared down the steps of the bus, and it groaned back into motion as it approached Sasha’s stop. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, Strickland.” Gordy sat across from Gwen in the diner his father took him to during the Spring Awakening tech week. They had been sitting in that very booth over a mountain of homework since rehearsal ended, the sky long dark. Gwen’s hair was in a bun with a pencil through it, fully concentrating as waitresses bustled about getting ready to close. Her fries laid untouched in the basket in front of her. “Gwennie?” Gordy asked again. He waved his hands in front of her face, but her focus was zoomed in on her history homework. He grabbed a fry and took aim at her forehead. “Hey nerd!” he joked, the fry hitting her cheek as she lifted her head. “Can I help you, Mazzuchelli?” she mocked his tone, nose scrunched up. It was adorable

“It kinda looks like we’re closing out the place. I paid the bill, so put away Voltaire so I can get us home?”

“Alright, fine.” she tossed up her hands in surrender and dropped her pencil. She stuffed her books into her backpack and zipped it up, giving him a tired smile. “You ready?”

“I should be asking the same of you.”

“Shut your face.” She laced her fingers through his, glancing over her shoulder. She always acted like she was being watched, as if she was doing something wrong on every date they went on. Not that they went on dates. They walked to the car in the darkness of the night, and the drive home was mostly quiet, minus the sounds of the muffled engine.

Gordy slowly pulled into the Strickland driveway, and Gwen collected her things. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow, seven?” Gwen nodded, her hand on the car door. Gordy leaned in to kiss her and she jerked away. “What, did I do something? Gwen?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Gwen?”

“I swear it’s nothing.”

“If I’m making you uncomfortable, tell me, don’t just move away like I have the plague.” Gwen gave a heavy sigh, removing her hand from the door handle. “I thought we wanted to keep this on the down low. You said that, right?”

“You remember you were the one that initiated this whole thing in the first place.” he mumbled. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, of course not, Gordy.” Gwen gave a humourless laugh. “You just know how my mom is. ‘Stay focused’ and ‘Chase dreams, not boys’. All she wants is for me to get into school for theatre, and she think anything else should be pushed aside.” she scowled. “It’s really shitty honestly.”

“You are right about the motivational phrases though, she has more of those Target wood block signs than the guidance counselor.”

“Is that even possible?” Gwen snarked. The car went quiet again. “Look, I really don’t want to screw this up, I really, really like you, Gordy.”

“You also like having your head attached to your neck?” Gwen nodded her head, hair bouncing around, and cracked a real smile. “Now you’re getting it!” she shoved him lightly to the side. “Down low?” she questioned, biting her lip. “Down low.” Gordy planted a kiss on her forehead. “Now get inside before you are put on lockdown my Mama Strickland.” Gwen scooted out of the car. “Don’t call her Mama Strickland.” she pointed at him, then slammed the door. Gordy watched her disappear through the front door, then give an adorable little wave through the window. He was whipped.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**god i hope i get it  (michael hallowell, lexi jones, robbie thorne, 18+ more)**

february 20th at 7:03 am

jeremy: hi everyone, sorry about the yesterday.

jeremy: don’t worry about me, i’m ok

cheryl: we love you jere-bear!

ariel: that’s the cutest nickname

clark: agreed. It’s adorable

violet: that’s the tea

francis: i swear to god via

jolene: i am so glad it’s friday

michael: ditto

lilette: this has actually felt like the longest week of my life

andy: preach

jason iwata: we’re still on for rehearsal tonight

clark: hopefully free of drama

tate: nooo, hopefully FULL of drama, the blog’s been pretty slow and i need something juicy

gwen: who even says juicy???

jason eisenberg: fight fight fight

jason iwata: we don’t encourage violence here

jason eisenberg: you might not, i do

kaitlin: if we did, violet would be long gone over her overuse of the word ‘tea’

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So  **that’s** where you’ve been hiding, huh?” Jeremy heard a familiar voice echoing from down the stairs. That’s when Simon Saunders looped around the railing. “Hi.” Jeremy said meekly, putting down the apple he was barely eating. He was crouched in the corner of the back staircase near the auditorium, leaning up against his backpack with his headphones in. He thought his plan was foolproof, but he was proven incorrect. 

Simon rushed up the stairs and plopped down next to him. “How was everything?” Jeremy knew exactly what he was talking about. The red mark on his cheek throbbed underneath his mom’s foundation at the thought. Unfortunately. “He hasn’t shown up since Wednesday night, which I don’t mind.” He felt his heartbeat get faster. “Can we, um, not talk about this right now? I don’t really want to-”

“Ok.” Simon replied simply. “What do you want to talk about? The weather, the show, TV?”

“Ok, what are you watching on TV?” Jeremy said, tucking away his headphones. “I started binge watching Smash the other day.” Jeremy didn’t think he could fall any harder. “Do you love it as much as I do?”

“More, if that’s even possible.”   
“Really?” 

“Definitely, I don’t know how NBC could cancel such an amazing theatre-y show like that.” He swore he saw Simon look out into the distance. He had no clue why. “

If I’m honest, you got me to do it, with your audition and everything.”

“You remember my audition?” 

“You did ‘I Heard Your Voice In A Dream’. I knew the song but I never actually watched the show.” Simon shrugged. “It was really good, I like Jimmy, I hope that he figures everything out.” Jeremy snorted. “He does have a lot to work out.”

“I mean he has these great people, Karen and Kyle, but all he does it push them away. And yeah, he has music going for him, but he has to stop being such an asshat to the people who-” his voice trailed off.

“Care about him?” Jeremy interjected. “Yeah. Care about him.” Simon nodded. Jeremy began to sense he was talking about more than just Smash. “Maybe he can redeem himself?” he suggested. “Yeah. But that is going to take something big.”

“Like Kyle dying wasn’t enough?”

“Why did the writers do that? He was everyone’s favourite!” Simon banged the back of his head on the wall. “Maybe Jimmy could get some help? Like, someone could make him better?” he thought out loud. “Maybe.” Jeremy muttered, more to himself than to anyone else. 

Simon turned his head to face Jeremy, and Jeremy fell into those eyes of his. They were dark swimming pools holding something that he couldn’t quite understand. And then Jeremy was holding something else he couldn’t understand. Simon’s hand. His face looked panicked. “Maybe Jimmy could get help, maybe I-” he stopped cold in his tracks, “I mean he, could-” Jeremy kissed him. And he was so content. When he kissed him in the parking lot, the whole thing felt electric and nervous and rushed. It wasn’t onstage under pressure. This time felt right. It felt perfect. This time he seemed to just melt into Simon’s lips, sinking deeper and deeper in that silent stairwell. For the first time in a long time, he felt peaceful. In that moment he was happy. He pulled away at the sound of the school bell. He began frantically stuffing his things in his bag as Simon shot up and climbed back to the bottom of the stairs. “Hey, Jeremy?” he called. “I’ll see you later.” He raised his right hand, his ring and middle fingers curled into his palm, his other fingers stretched out. The sign for  _ ‘I love you’ _ . Jeremy returned the gesture, froze for a moment, then climbed the stairs to class.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Lou, can you make sure Violet got everyone stretched out? I want to start from ‘Hello 12’ and try running straight through, I’m sick of all the stopping and starting.” Ms. Wolfe said, sifting through her purse for her script. “Alright Tracey, we’ll start in a moment.” Mr. Mazzuchelli walked out of the green room and into the hallway. She had finally reached the binder from the bottom of her bag when the office phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Is this Ms. Wolfe?”

“Yes it is, who is this?”

“The main office said that you had Robbie Thorne afterschool today?”

“Yes, he’s in rehearsal. Is there an issue?”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The number was kicking Robbie’s ass. He thought he had decent endurance from sports. He was so, so wrong. Why couldn’t it be like Spring Awakening, where everyone just walked around all angsty? He was fumbling like a dropped football, following Lilette to the best of his abilities. The difference was she looked graceful and majestic, and Robbie looked like a bumbling zombie. To be honest, he was a little relieved when Olivia stopped playing piano and he was called into the hallway by Mr. Mazzuchelli and Ms. Wolfe.

He was relieved until he saw the expressions on his teachers faces. They were both pale green, like they had seen ghosts. Ms. Wolfe had her arms wrapped around her stomach like it was aching, and Mazzu was holding his forehead. “Did something happen?” Neither of them responded. “Mr. Mazzu? Ms. Wolfe.” Ms. Wolfe wrapped her arms around him tightly. Oh no. It couldn’t be. “Robbie, it’s your mom.” Mr. Mazzu exhaled. “I’m so sorry.”


	7. as we travel on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi y’all! apologies in advance for this crappy chapter. quite honestly, this chapter is more about development than plot and it is bugging me to the max. but, parts of it are important so therefore it is posted! a big ol thank you to my girl @musicallybway, love you to bits hannah banana. a trigger warning for basically the entire chapter about the discussion of terminal illness/death, please please look out for yourselves, do what is healthy and stay safe. if you wanna chat, my tumblr is @massivekatastrophe and i’ll link the spotify playlist for the fic. happy reading! (not really, this chapter is hella sad)  
> spotify link:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4pFOUURfVrebZJWflU0tkb

 

Nothing seemed to work. Lilette stared blankly into her reflection, her hair straight, her dress carefully pressed, her makeup neat, and she couldn’t help but feel like an awful human being. She was worrying over her appearance to someone else’s funeral. It had been right days since the troupe had gotten the news and she still felt as hollow as she did at rehearsal that afternoon. It wasn’t real. Robbie was home sick from school, and her second mother was still alive. She shook her head. Even she couldn’t fool herself.

“Mija?” Lilette noticed her mother in the mirror. “Hi Mama.” she said emotionless. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Her mother was ready too, holding car keys in her gloved hand. “It’s time to go honey.” Lilette turned away from her reflection. “Ok.” This wasn’t real. She was going to climb in her mom’s new car and meet Simon at the movies or go to sitzprobe back at school or run lines with the cast at the pizza place. She wasn’t going to the graveyard, no matter what her gut told her.

That instinct was difficult to uphold once the Suarez car reached that Stanton County Cemetery. Through the patches of headstones she could see rows of chairs and people milling around and giving hugs. She could see Gordy, Jamal and some of the guys from the Tigers, as well as Ms. Wolfe and Mr. Mazzu. Simon and Jeremy talked to Jolene, their heads ducked down. Robbie’s dad spoke to the preacher, his stepmother nowhere in sight. There was a gravity to the whole situation, the casket seemed to fill every crevice of empty space. She had to face the music. She inhaled deeply and opened the door to a wall of frigid air, the sky painted with grey clouds. The only think grounding her seemed to be the sound of her shoes on the pavement, which disappeared when she stepped onto the grass and walked to her seat in the front row next to a shattered Robbie Thorne.

He wore a suit jacket a size too big, the sleeves almost falling off his arms. He was hunched over his knees, frozen. From the little Lilette could see of his face, it was tinged grey, his eyes puffy. He didn’t seem to notice any of the movement around him. He was caught in the storm of his own grief. Lilette inhaled to greet him, but was interrupted. “I’m glad you’re here. She’d be happy to see you.” he rasped. Lilette’s eyes welled up. “Good morning everyone. Please rise.” said the preacher into the screechy mic. It was going to be a long service. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ “Dad? What’s going on? Who is that?’ Robbie called from the kitchen as a woman walked through the front door. The entryway was crowded with boxes, but this women navigated them effortlessly even in heels. The late summer heatwave didn’t seem to impact her silky chestnut hair, meanwhile his curls were frizzed out into a puff ball. His dad descended down the stairs quickly, noticing the woman in the doorway, and froze near the bottom step. He took a second to compose himself, a tell that Robbie didn’t understand at the time.  _

_ “Robbie, you know Yvonne from the office.” _

_ “No.” Robbie snipped, receiving an icy glare from his father that froze the August air. “Well, you  _ do _ know that your mom and I aren’t together anymore.” Was the woman in the doorway his mother’s replacement? She approached him slowly, holding out her hands as if preparing to defend a potential attack. “Your dad and I have been going out for a few months now, so I’m moving into the new house with you two.” It was at that moment that Robbie noticed the suitcases littering the front porch. _

_ “You’re joking.” Robbie snorted. “This is all just some weird prank, Dad?” His father shook his head. “You’re kidding, right? What are you doing? Mom gets sick and you have to fill in her place with some back-up?” _

_ “I am not with Yvonne because of your mother’s diagnosis, and you watch your tone, Robert.” _

_ “Even better, you were cheating on her? You knew this was coming?” his voice cracked. “Did you even like her?” _

_ “Now hold on a second,” Yvonne tried to interrupt. “Did you know he was married? Did you know that he had a kid? Did you know he threw all of that out the window just for you, or was that your idea?” Robbie hissed. “Robert Lucas Thorne, stop this right now.” And for a moment he did. At least before stomping past his father on the staircase and slamming the door to his bedroom. He had come to the conclusion that very few things were going to go his way, at least in the near future. _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The cemetary was long empty by the time that Robbie got up from his chair. The bitter cold seemed to suck the little motivation he had out of him, so it took all he had to move from his mother’s grave to even the bench just outside of the park. He couldn’t even gather himself to go into the reception with the rest of the guests. He simply walked out of the gates and onto the simple wooden bench pushed against the fence. 

“I thought I’d find you here.” Lilette emerged a few minutes later. “You weren’t lingering by the snacks, so I thought this was my best bet.” she said dryly, sitting down a few inches to Robbie’s left. The silence ate away at them. “The priest gave a beautiful speech. I can’t believe your mom went to school with him all those years ago.” He could barely form any words in response, so the silence of the graveyard was only amplified, the only audible sounds being breathing from either party. “My mother stayed in here for her whole life. She went to my same elementary school, and the same junior high, she had my freshman year homeroom teacher when she was a senior.” he said finally. “Did she ever want to leave?”

“Desperately. She could never find the money, not even to go to college other than state school,  until she married my dad. They were saving up to move to Connecticut, one of those nice houses by the sound. “ Robbie croaked. “And then when I was 10 she got sick, and and they split and my dad met Yvonne, my stepmother. He took the money that was going to pay for a better life and used it to pay for my mom’s treatment and a massive house instead.” A wind whistled through the trees, seemingly agreeing with him.

“When she got transferred to hospice, I never really accepted that her dying was probably going to happen before I graduated, not even that night that I came to visit you after talking to the nurse. I only realised it during Spring Awakening, in ’Those You’ve Known’ when I saw her in the crowd on opening night with her breathing tube. I finally realised that all I did was take her for granted.”

“You loved your mom, I have never seen anyone love someone like you love her.” Lilette grabbed his hand, defended him against himself in that one movement. “I took her for granted because I had this fantasy for myself that if I ignored her ALS it would just dissolve into thin air.” his voice got louder in sheer frustration with himself. “She finally got another chance with her heart transplant, that surgery should have helped her, her heart was way too weak. But her body rejected the new one and I didn’t get to say goodbye because I was at rehearsal. Nobody got to say goodbye. Nobody got to-” and for the first time since last Friday, Robbie let himself cry, right into Lilette’s shoulder. He knew it was inevitable. Everything around him seemed to be inevitable. Football season ending, Spring Awakening getting cancelled, his mom dying. He was powerless at everything. 

“I love you, Robbie Thorne. I love you so very much.” he heard Lilette as if he was on the bottom of a swimming pool, as if she was far away and he was underwater. “Your mom is in a better place. I know that. She called me the angel, but in reality, she was the angel. I know she is taking care of you from up there.” Lilette was trying her best to control the tremor in her voice. “How can you know what you can’t see?” Robbie asked weakly. “I have faith that good people will get good things. That’s the secret of the universe to me.” Robbie poked his head up and found his girlfriend wiping her eyes. “It doesn’t happen right away, and the universe can suck a lot sometimes. But it all works out in the end. Your mother is the best kind of person, so I know that nothing can work out that badly for her. Right?”

“Right.” he sat up straight. “She was the best kind.”

“She  _ is _ the best kind.” Lilette corrected. “That’s the secret of the universe. Trust me.” 

In that moment, the wind that had been communicating replied one more time. A white Christmas rose drifted in from of Robbie’s eyes, and landed gently at his feet. He picked it up cautiously, and he and Lilette shared a glance. She gasped, her mouth in a round ‘O’ shape. “Do you think-”

“I know.” that time he cut her off. He glanced up at the grey clouds and pushed himself to standing, playing with the white flower in his frozen fingers. “Thank you.” With that he grabbed Lilette’s hand, and they walked to the reception building together.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annabelle could feel the heaviness in the room around her. Even though most of the troupe didn’t know Eva Thorne very well, they were still invited to her funeral (shocking to Anna considering her track record at the ‘victory’ party). The room was solemn. As if she didn’t feel awful enough already, Anna felt completely alone. These kids used to be her best friends, but she had been isolating herself from everyone since Simon dumped her. She saw Francis drape his arm over Lexi’s shoulder, Ariel lift Jolene’s chin, Jason Eisenberg comforting Jason Iwata from the corner, even Gwen and Tate were being civil. She had nothing and nobody to lose. And if she did, she already lost them. Isn’t that the reason why they were there?

After a few minutes of feeling sorry for herself, Anna decided she had to take action on something that she had been putting off for far too long. Life was too short. With that mantra on a loop in her head, she smoothed the silky fabric of her dress and approached the table that seated Jeremy Travers and one Simon Matthew Saunders. The two were deep in conversation,  a wild sight considering that the two of them hadn’t been seen together voluntarily since Spring Awakening. She walked as quickly as she could to avoid convincing herself otherwise. “Excuse me, Simon?”. The dark haired boy rotated his head around, his eyes skitting about the room after seeing her face. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure.” he said, visibly flustered. “Jere?” She was surprised that he had a nickname for him, because in her eyes, Simon seemed to dislike most people. “I’ll be fine.” Jeremy shook his sandy head. “I think you two have some stuff to talk about.” That was the understatement of the century. 

Simon and Annabelle walked in silence to an empty hallway, far from the murmurs of the reception hall. The walls were blank, and echoed the every sound, including her deeply inhaling. “I think I need to apologise to you.” she said slowly. Simon seemed majorly taken aback. “You need to apologise? I was awful to you. I should have been so much better to you while we were together.”

“I know that I wasn’t what you needed then. If anything, I made everything a million times more complicated.” Annabelle left it at that, because she assumed Simon knew what she was talking about. “What  _ did _ I need then?” She assumed wrong. “I have eyes, Simon. I can see how much you care about him.”

“Who are you-”

“Are you and Jeremy officially an item?” she blurted out, immediately regretting it. His ears flushed. “I don’t want to make you go public with something you aren’t ready for, but I see the way you look at each other. There is more romance in every time you look at each other than there ever was in our relationship. I’m sorry for making you feel hostage, and I am sorry for never talking through it with you and holding it over your head in the groupchat and Jolene’s party.” Simon gnawed on his lower lip. “Annabelle, I shouldn’t have played with your emotions like I did. I forgive you, but I don’t think you should be the one saying sorry.”

“How about we agree that there’s blame to share?” Annabelle rationalized, and Simon nodded. “I have learned this week that life moves too fast to hold stupid grudges. So, Saunders, friends?” she held out her hand. Simon shook it. “Friends, Bowman.” His smile was genuine, and she could feel the weight being lifted off of both of their shoulders. This was the way things were meant to be.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**god i hope i get it  (michael hallowell, lexi jones, robbie thorne, 18+ more)**

february 28th at 9:18 pm

andy: how is everyone?

gordy: rough to say the least

michael: has anyone talked to robbie? 

lilette: i have, he is doing decently, but don’t expect him to pick up his phone, he hasn’t since friday

michael: i feel so awful for him

francis: we have to actually do something

lexi: why should we? what did the kid ever do for us?

cheryl: shut up lexi

cheryl: he just lost his mother

kaitlin: have some empathy?

Lexi: alright, i’m sorry

jason iwata: what is this ‘something’ that frankie is referring to? 

simon: this troupe is god awful at recognising ‘something’s

ariel: agreed

francis: also please don’t let frankie stick

clark: too L8 frankie

jason eisenberg: back to the ‘something’?

lilette: i think i have an idea

lilette: gordy, i’ll tell you what to tell your dad, gwen do your weird stalker thing with wolfe

lilette: meet me at school tomorrow at 6:30 AM sharp

kaitlin: this is suspicious 

Sasha: does it have to be that early?

lilette: 1. it’s nothing illegal 2. yes, it’s crucial to the plan because i know that i can get help for us, and also robbie will be at the gym training then. we’ll have him right where we need him

jeremy: let’s do whatever cult thing lili wants us to do as long as it helps him

annabelle: agreed

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ “Robbie!” he heard his mother call from the front yard that spring morning. Her words were slightly slurred together, as if they were melting and dripping onto one another. He rushed out to find his mother in her gardening clothes. She was propping herself up, with one hand on side of the house. “Mom? What’s going on?” he asked. “I don’t know, get your-” her voice trailed off, her head bobbing to the side. “What’s happening? Mom?” That’s when her hand moved from the side of the house, and she collapsed, crumbling into the patch of white Christmas rose flowers underneath her. _

_ He rushed to her side, and tried to drape her twitching arm over his shoulder to pick her up. “Help!” he cried to nobody in particular. “Somebody, please, help!” _

_ “Robbie?” Jason Eisenberg called from his front steps as Robbie struggled to lift up his mother. His eyes were as round as his circular glasses, growing every second. He violently swung his front door open, yelling to his brother. “Eli, call 911 and bring me the phone! It’s Robbie’s mom!” _

_ A few hours later, Robbie held his knees to his chest in an uncomfortable chair. The harsh lighting of the hospital waiting room was particularly comforting, especially because his father was still rushing home on the plane from his business trip, so the barely 10 year old was left alone. The ER door swung open, an a young Asian nurse approached him. She shook her head in a melancholy fashion as she walked closer to him. “Robbie, right?” she asked, audibly trying to inject cheerfulness into her voice. Robbie nodded. “Do you know about a condition called ALS?” _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The gym was always quiet early in the mornings on weekends. It was oddly peaceful, and Robbie liked it that way. Usually he was alone, with only the silent custodian keeping him ‘company’. He had just finished a run, when he heard the unfamiliar sound of hushed voices in the hallway. He got his stuff, and tried to ignore it as he left the gym.

Still, it was difficult to ignore as he passed the auditorium. In there, he saw the whole troupe, including Mr. Mazzu and Ms. Wolfe. They were all crouched around one chair, joined by a figure Robbie recognised as Mr. Watson, the engineering teacher. “Hello/” he asked. More than 25 heads rotated in his direction. “Is there a rehearsal I didn’t know about?” he asked. The group collectively shook their heads.

Lilette stepped forward, still wearing her winter coat dusted with snow flurries on top of her clothes.  “We, well  _ I _ knew that you come to school early on the weekends to train.” 

“We figured that we had to do something. For your mom, that is.” Simon joined Lilette. “So, as your stage manager, I helped Lilette organise a little something.” Gordy gestured to the seat the group had crowded around. “We got Mr. Watson to help with the design.”

Robbie walked closer to the seat at the end of the aisle, the one designated for wheelchair users. On the back of it, there was a brassy gold plaque he had never seen before. “In Loving Memory of Eva Thorne. Those you’ve known and lost still walk behind you.” On the left hand side of the metal, there was a carving of a white Christmas rose. Robbie felt his breath hitch, and his throat choke up. Lilette grabbed his hand. Suddenly the auditorium felt so much smaller, every other seat and light bulb and microphone gone. All he had was the moment. 

“Thank you, everyone.” Robbie forced out, giving a watery smile. “Thank you for everything.” He looked up at the ceiling to.  _ Thank you Mom _ , he thought. Maybe Lilette did have the right view of the universe after all. 


	8. point me toward tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! sorry for the delay in posting, life has been a little crazy recently. apologies for any typos/grammar errors, my fingers don't seem to be cooperating with my brain. this chapter is jam-packed with stuff, you can finally see some arcs closing out- which leads me to my next point. i am scheduled to finish posting 2 chapters from now, with ‘episode’ 10. however, i have realized that this story might not be quite over. would y’all be opposed to a season 2b/season 3? (obviously i’d be taking a break) in terms of this chapter, a couple warnings: tw for eating disorders in kaitlin’s section, beginning with “Kaitlin, get down here.”, and a tw for abuse starting at “Jeremy navigated his way to his car”. reader discretion is advised, please be careful, i have had my fair share of experiences in both departments and the last thing i want is to hurt anyone. alright! talk to me on tumblr @massivekatastrophe, spotify is linked, happy reading of chapter 8 to you!  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4pFOUURfVrebZJWflU0tkb

chapter 8: point me toward tomorrow

It was early Monday morning on March 2nd when the Stanton High production of A Chorus Line took a turn. Tracey Wolfe was mid sentence in her sophomore drama class when an announcement creaked onto the speaker. “Will Ms. Wolfe please come to Principal Ward’s office immediately?” the secretary sounded bored out of her mind on the loudspeaker. She rolled her eyes, swiftly apologized to her class and walked down the hallway to the offices. She swung open Ward’s door and stayed in the doorway, motionless. He was perched behind his desk, a smug smile painted across his lips.

“Evan? What is the issue here? I’m in the middle of teaching.” 

“Tracey, have a seat.” he spoke to her as if she was a child, a student rather than an educator. She despised that. “I believe that when we agreed to reinstate the program, I was given an opinion on the production you were putting on.”

“We are aware of the pressure we are under from the PTA after Spring Awakening, what is the problem here?”

“The fact is that I have been biting my tongue since your “Chorus Line” started rehearsals about the nature of the script.” he smirked. Tracey slowly inhaled. “We agreed that we wouldn’t be changing the text in anyway. This show is a blockbuster, Evan, if you are worried about ticket sales.” she controlled her tone carefully, trying to stifle her annoyance to the best of her abilities. “Ms. Wolfe, I think you know that this show still includes some of the very things that I wanted to avoid in your fall production. Profanity, discussion of sex, portrayal of homosexuality.”

“And I think that you know that Lou isn’t going to budge. These kids open the show in a few weeks, we can’t pull changes on them.”

“Then I think that I have the right to exercise my executive power here.” he crossed his arms, looking like a cliche action movie villain. “If you can refuse to modify the unacceptable themes of your play, I can refuse to give you the space.” Her breath hitched in her throat. 

“Excuse me?”

“You made your choice, and I am making mine. Keep the show the same, and you will not be allowed to use the Stanton High School auditorium.” his voice was cold. Tracey knew she smelled trouble the day of the first rehearsal.

“Then I think that we will be finding a different space. I’m not compromising the quality of the show, our students’ confidence, and my integrity just because you and the school board find it taboo.” she brushed off her skirt as she stood. “Now if you will excuse me, I have a class to teach.” she slowly approached the doorway. But before she left, she said one more thing, “For the record, it’s a play. Not a musical. I think you have been through enough education to know that damn difference.” With that, she exited the office into the hallway. It wasn’t until she reached her own classroom door that reality struck her. What the hell had she just done?

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Kaitlin, get down here.” Kaitlin heard her mother call from down the stairs. She dragged herself off her bed. “What did you do?” Sadie asked from the top bunk. “Shut up.” she hissed. Her feet cracked as she walked down the stairs. From halfway down the flight, she could see her mom sitting on the couch wrapped up in a sweater, next to her dad and an unfamiliar woman. She had dyed pink hair cut near her chin, and round gold glasses pushed down her nose. There were 3 purple suitcases from Kaitlin’s luggage set sitting near the front door. She slowly finished the set of stairs, pushing aside the feeling of her aching lungs. “What’s going on? Mom?”

“Kait, just sit.” her dad said gently. She did just that.

Her mother sighed, holding her forehead in her hand. Her dad draped an arm over her. The woman with the glasses shifted her glance from Kaitlin’s parents to her. “Kaitlin, I’m Nadia Peterson. I’m a counselor with the Daisy Field Center for Eating Disorders.” No. This wasn’t happening. It was just a really bad nightmare. “Your parents and I need to talk to you about a diagnosis for your,” she trailed off briefly “let’s call them unhealthy coping mechanisms.”

“What are you talking about?” she struggled to keep her voice from wavering. Don’t give anything away. They couldn’t know. It would ruin all of the progress she had made. 

“Do you ever choose to go long periods without eating? Fasting, counting your calories, checking your weight to the point of obsession?” Kaitlin raised her eyebrows. “No. I don’t do that stuff.”

“Don’t try and deny it, Kaitlin. We aren’t as oblivious as you must think we are.” her mother snapped, causing her father to squeeze her hand. “Kait, I need you to tell us the truth. We want to help you.” her dad said calmly. “What the hell are you talking about? Is this why you cancelled rehearsal? What makes you think I’m some freak? I can handle myself, I’m not a baby.”

“Kaitlin Pearl Mazzuchelli, tell us the truth.” her mother said dangerously. “Now.” This couldn’t be happening. Everything was just going to get reversed, everything she had worked at. “What makes you think that I’m not eating? Huh?”

“There is another reason your rehearsal got cancelled, but that isn’t the point. We can see how thin you have gotten-”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Kaitlin shot up.

“Not when you are literal skin and bones.”

“That isn’t very substantial evidence.”

“How about we all calm down?” Nadia said, standing up in response to Kaitlin’s frustration.

“What this your idea? What center do you even work at? Are you trying to ship me off and leave school?” she shouted in response. “If this is as serious as your parents think it is, then yes, you will have to come to our residential center. This is so you can get better, Kaitlin. You need help.”

“Who stuck that idea in your head?”

“Your friend. The one who warned your parents. He- I mean they- they are looking out for you.” There was only one person who knew about it. Kaitlin turned to her parents. “Maashous told you?” she whispered. Their silence was an answer enough.

“Maashous?” she shouted as she stomped down the stairs into the basement. Gordy stood in front of her. “Kait, what’s going on?”

“Get out of my way, I need to talk to him.”

“Listen to me-”

“Gordy, move.” her brother froze. “I mean it.” he begrudgingly moved to the side. Maashous was sitting on his bed, homework was spread out around him. “You told my parents?” she screeched, anger washing over her. She could see the panic in his expression. “I can explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain, Maashous, you broke your promise.”

“I have never regretted a promise more in my life, that’s why I did it.” Maashous threw his pencil down and stood.“You didn’t want to help me?” Kaitlin snipped. “I wanted to help you, and that’s why I told them.”

“Why? It’s ruining everything?”

“You are falling apart and you are controlling it!” His words hung in the air over her head. More panic stuck on his face. “Kaitlin, that’s not what I meant.” he defended. It was too late. “I don’t have control over this! If I did, this would have never happened, and the woman from the  _ eating disorder  _ center wouldn’t be on the upstairs couch to ship me off!”

“What?” he whispered. “Maashous. Just stop. I would tell you to go away, but I think I have to do that first.” her voice cracked. “Goodbye.”

By the time Kaitlin reached the top of the basement stairs, Nadia was rolling the luggage to the car in the driveway. Sadie had emerged from their room, and was waiting for her. Her emotions were written across her face, her lip quivering. “Please don’t go Kaitlin. Please.”

“I have to Sadie. I guess I really need help.”

“I love you Katie.” Kaitlin was suddenly wrapped in her younger sister’s arms. She stayed there for a few moments. She wanted to make a memory of that moment. Her sister smelled of her lavender perfume and her pet bunny, Annie. Soon Gordy was draped on top of them too, smelling like peppermint and detergent. It stung that even after he hurt her so badly, Kaitlin still wished Maashous was there.

When they finally retracted, she looked around the room for a moment. She had a lived in that house since she was 5, but her eyes danced around every family photo and dust bunny like she was there from the first time, like she was an alien and the room was some foreign entity. It would be foreign soon enough. “Kaitlin?” her father asked. “I’m coming.” she rasped. And so she was.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maashous’ bus ride back to Eagleton was a solemn one. He hoped Harmony’s dad wouldn’t mind having him back at Jefferson. He hoped the Mazzuchelli’s didn’t notice he was missing. He hoped his mother didn’t notice his absence. His hopes were not fulfilled very often.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**god i hope i get it  (michael hallowell, lexi jones, robbie thorne, 17+ more)**

march 2nd at 5:45 pm

(kaitlin mazzuchelli has left the chat)

(kaitlin mazzuchelli has been added to the chat)

(kaitlin mazzuchelli has left the chat)

march 2nd, 6:46 pm

ariel: have you all seen that email from ms. wolfe and mr. mazzuchelli?

annabelle: i don’t think i need to read every single one of the debates with ms. strickland about tan versus black character shoes

ariel: that’s not what i mean

jolene:  link: gmail from lou mazzuchelli (a few changes)

sasha: read it and weep

michael: stop saying that sash!!!!!

sasha: no seriously, it’s important

jason iwata: what happened to kaitlin??? is she ok???

cheryl: why isn’t she doing the show anymore???

gordy: everything is fine, she is just going to be leaving school for a while

gordy: reread the email from my dad

jason iwata: i swear to god young mazzu if anything happened to my best friend you are on my list

jason eisenberg: and here we can find anti-pacifist iwata in his natural habitat

tate: i get to play bebe now? sweet

gwen: when will tate stop caring about themself for 5 minutes challenge

violet: woah there g

andy: congrats tate, don’t screw up the harmonies in at the ballet, that’s legit the best song

lexi: have y’all even read the last half of that email? we lost the auditorium

lilette: WHAT?????

robbie: it’s probably ward cock blocking our show again

francis: do you know what that means?

lilette: ENOUGH. BOTH OF YOU. EVERYONE STOP.

march 2nd, 7:43 pm

simon: damn suarez, that was effective

jeremy: now what?

gwen: i think i have an idea

francis: the last time you said that we all got wasted at the steel mill

jolene: that’s my fault for bringing beer

ariel: now that’s a story i want to hear

gwen: well part of that is in the plan

sasha: the getting drunk part?

march 2nd, 8:58

sasha: ooooohhhhhh

sasha: duh

clark: you with us foley?

sasha: i think so

Gwen: meet me at the mill tomorrow at 6

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Psst-Mike!” Ruby whispered. It was close to midnight, and Michael was swimming through piles of math homework when his twin appeared in the doorway. They had the same brown hair, hers down to the middle of her back rather than cropped short, and the same facial structure. They looked practically identical before Michael’s transition. To him, the very idea of them being identical was suddenly baffling. “What’s going on? I am stuck on Mr. Franklin’s sadistic pre-calc work.” he grumbled. “Step away from the math, you have gotta hear this.”

“Ruby, what are you talking-”

“Mom’s on the phone with New Day. It sounds like good news.” New Day was the foundation that Sasha gave him the contact to. After his appointment, the secretary said that he would be put on the waitlist for a sponsor. He certainly didn’t expect a call to come so soon. “Get your butt out of bed, let’s listen.”

The pair scooted over to the railing, where their mother was speaking on the phone underneath them in the living room. She was biting her nails, and the siblings could hear the phone on speaker from upstairs. Suddenly, a male voice spoke from the other line. “Hello?”

“Hi!” their mother jumped a little too enthusiastically. “I’m Victoria Hallowell, you I received an email about a possible sponsor for my son? His name is Michael.” The twins shared a glance. Their mother was very rarely this shaken.

“Of course, Ms. Hallowell. I’m Rowan Wagner, really nice to meet you. New Day must have sent an email about my interest in sponsoring your son’s transition?” Ruby and Michael struggled to quiet their squeals from the landing. As far as their mother knew, she was asleep and he was studying. “Does that mean that this is official?”

“Yes, I am fully prepared to cover the costs of Michael’s testosterone and top surgery.” More stifling of excitement from the twins. Their mother, however, seemed skeptical “Why the sudden interest?”

“I’m a friend of Tracey Wolfe’s, I saw the Stanton production of Spring Awakening.”

“Did you?” their mother replied. “It certainly made some waves.” she snorted. “The show was stellar, especially your son. I transitioned in high school too, and Ms. Wolfe put me in their shows too. I think she is probably the reason I survived high school. When New Day came into contact with your family, I knew that the kid had something special. He reminds me of myself.” 

Michael’s heart fluttered in his chest and his mother’s face softened. His dream finally seemed tangible. 

“Thank you so much Rowan, I am sure Mikey will be thrilled when he hears the news.”

“Stay in touch with New Day, they’ll be able to tell you the next steps with forms and everything. Have a good night Ms. Hallowell.”

“You too. Thank you so, so much.” They heard the dial tone of the call ending. Their mother clapped her hand over her mouth to muffle a cry, assumingly one of joy. “Should we go down there?” Ruby whispered. Michael could barely hear her. He was too happy. “Let’s wait for her to tell us. That way we can give her a second.” His own eyes were watering as he tiptoed back to his room. His world was flipped in the best way, who  _ would _ give a crap about pre-calc?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jeremy and Simon were awful at staying on topic. What was supposed to be a line and bio study session the next afternoon turned into the two of them lying on Simon’s carpet side by side talking, their voices filling up the otherwise empty Saunders house. Emma was back at her regular middle school while on suspension from Saint Mary’s, and Simon’s parents were at work. 

“When did you know you weren’t straight?” Simon asked, his eyes darting from his ceiling to Jeremy’s, already locked on him. Jeremy gave a deep sigh, twiddling his fingers. “I think I was in 6th or 7th grade. My mom took AJ and I to see Newsies on Broadway right after it opened for a belated Christmas gift and I was madly in love with Katherine Plumber and Jack Kelly at the same time.”

“What is it with you and your crazy Jeremy Jordan obsession?” Simon teased, Jeremy’s ears tinting pink. “I don’t know!” he shrugged his shoulders, his shirt rubbing against the carpet. “Maybe it’s because I liked his incredible name.” he giggled, his face morphing more serious almost immediately. “It was a nice little distraction from home, I guess. I didn’t tell my mom until last year, but I think she always kind of knew.”

“That makes one of us.” For the first time that afternoon, silence seemed to envelop them.  “I don’t know why I’m still running from it. I mean, Emma loves this show on Disney where the majority of the fandom ships these two middle school boys together. Something about muffins and swingsets, I honestly don’t know. If seventh graders are braver than I am, than I think that I really need to get over myself.” 

Jeremy sat up and shook his head rapidly, as if he had been personally insulted. “I know the show, Jeremy. AJ watches it too, he’s obsessed with the best friend named after the vampire slayer, but that’s not the point. It isn’t a race, Simon. You waiting doesn’t make you less brave.  _ You _ have to be ready, you can’t just trip and fall into it.” Simon sat up too. “If you aren’t ready, it’s not going to be me who shoves you out of the-”

“Simon?” a deep voice called from downstairs. Shit. “It’s my-my dad, he can’t know you were here, he isn’t exactly your biggest fan.” Simon stammered. “I’ll go out the window, it’ll be like I was never even here.” Jeremy said, winking. He grabbed his backpack and slid open the window. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Si.” he lowered his voice. He quickly held up his right hand and gave the  _ I Love You _ sign, and Simon returned it with a wobbly smile. “Bye Jeremy.” 

Jeremy navigated his way to his car, miraculously avoiding being caught by Simon’s father. He got in his car a few blocks away, and as he grabbed his phone to get directions to the mill, he saw 4 missed calls from the house phone. Never a good sign. He rushed home and found the front door swung wide open. Also not a good side. He rushed inside to see a glass smashed in the threshold of the living room. That’s the only other thing he needed.

“AJ?” he called out, panic rising into his voice. “AJ, where are you?” He followed the sound of cries into his younger brother’s bedroom. Jeremy found AJ with his knees against his chest, struggling to regain control of his breathing pressed against the blue painted wall. A few feet above his head was a inward crushed hole the size of a fist. “Jeremy?” AJ whimpered, rising to his feet. “I’m here now, everything’s ok.” he wrapped his brother in his arms, the collar of his shirt becoming soaked with tears. “Where’s Mom?” he asked gently. “She’s in her room, she has no clue what’s going on.” AJ’s voice quivered. “Make sure it stays that way. Go in there, lock the door, and turn on a movie or TV show or something. Don’t let her get out. Where is he-”

“The kitchen, where else would he be?” AJ gasped. “Jeremy, don’t do anything stupid-”

“Go, now. I love you kiddo.” He held him one last time before his brother scurried into the bedroom on the far end of the hallway.

Jeremy crept back down the stairs into the kitchen. Sure enough, his father was slumped over the table, circled by bottles of alcohol. “Hey there, Jeremy.” he garbled like his tongue was in a salad spinner. “I’m not letting you hurt my brother or my mom ever again.” His father pushed on the table to hold himself in a standing position. “What did that little brat tell you-”

“ _ AJ _ didn’t  _ need _ to tell me anything.” he put all of the bravery he had into those words. “Now I need  _ you _ to get out of here.” Jeremy clenched his fists as his father walked closer, reeking of beer and guilt. “I don’t need to do anything.” he said menacingly, placing his hand on his shoulder. His heart rate sped up, and he almost backed down. But then he realized how much his father had already taken from him. For 13 years of his life he lived in fear. He wasn’t going to allow his brother or his mother to suffer anymore than they already did. He had to be brave. 

“Leave now.”

“Who do you think-” Jeremy grabbed his father’s wrist and twisted it away from him, a crack ringing through the air. The wrist’s owner yelped, and he dropped it. “Just leave. Before I call the police.” The heavy set man held eye contact for one moment. Then a moment later, he stumbled out of the kitchen, turning the corner toward the door. He placed his hand on the knob and paused. “You don’t know what I can do.”

“I think I know perfectly well, Dad. Go. And never come back.” Jeremy looked away. He heard the door creak open, heavy footfall on the front steps, and a truck door unlocking. He froze. He then ran to the front door, slammed it shut, and deadbolted it. He loosened the breath he didn’t realize he way storing. 

It was done. He was going to drive away in that truck of his and leave him alone. Jeremy could go up and knock on his mother’s door and not feel afraid of that man again. When the smog from the back of the truck cleared in the driveway, the Travers would begin a new life. One long overdue.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gwen nudged the door to Stanton Steel open again with her grey gloved hand, the late afternoon sunlight cracking in. The walkways were still intact, but the floor was empty, a layer of grey dust covering the ground. Clear and workable. Perfect. As she inhaled, the space smelled vaguely like her childhood and even more vaguely like the future. “This is a really bad idea.” she heard Clark mutter over her shoulder. “What’s going on?” asked Jason Eisenberg. “Why are we here?” Robbie asked. Gwen turned around, beaming. “I don’t trust that smile.” Jolene murmured. “You shouldn’t.” Gwen agreed. “Hold your questions until I’m done. Basically, now that we lost the space at Stanton, I know an alternative space we could use. Welcome to Stanton Steel, and Stanton High’s production of a Chorus Line.”


	9. what i did for love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> folks, i am officially the worst, and i really need to apologize. my personal life has been… interesting, to say the least over the weeks since i last posted. everything i was writing about was either hitting way way way too close to home, or it was snippets of my own daydreams that hurt to write because i knew it would never happen. either way it stung to write (also because was i had plotted out helped me come to the realization that chapter 9 was going to end up a crappy filler). i’m not trying to justify ditching stanton, just felt the need to explain myself. as redemption, this is going to be an extra long chapter, combining the plots i had for 9 and 10. think of it as an extra long finale before a hiatus! in terms of trigger warnings: this chapter includes discussion of homophobia, eating disorders, death of a loved one, transitioning, and a MAJOR trigger warning for gun violence. please check in with yourselves and stay safe while reading. i ever want to harm anyone’s recovery, and like jeremy says in this chapter, you know yourself better than anyone else. once again, i am so sorry for ditching y’all, hope this chapter is decent enough for some forgiveness (spoiler: i don’t think it’s my best work, but plot wise it is pretty juicy). i’m not sure if this is going to be the end of the fic completely, or a season finale before another 9 to 10 chapters. if this is it, thank you for all of the love and support, i very much appreciate each and every one of you. If not, i will see all of you again in not too long to resolve the mess i am making as i post this. either way, use the spotify link to find the story playlist (copy this: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4pFOUURfVrebZJWflU0tkb) and talk to me on tumblr @massivekatastophe. sending love your way. <3

FRIDAY, MARCH 15th: 12 DAYS LATER. OPENING NIGHT. 3:15 PM.  
Simon’s car sputtered to a stop in the makeshift parking lot to the front of Stanton Steel. His eyes scanned the building up and down a few times, as if he hadn’t been rehearsing in the same space for weeks. Helping the crew load in the lights from the auditorium, setting up folding chairs on the upper walkways and in an arc on the ground floor for the audience, Mr. Mazzu frantically trying to figure out the acoustics of the building for mics and where the hell to put the orchestra, The day was finally here. There was just one minor problem. That problem seemed to become more major as it walked closer to the driver side door. He inhaled deeply, grabbed his bag and slammed the car door shut.  
“Simon Matthew Saunders.” said his father’s cold voice. “Yeah, Dad?” Simon gulped as he struggled to maintain his calmness. “I kinda have to get inside, we have notes before the show tonight.”  
“You seem to have left out a lot of important information about your role.”  
“Such as?”  
“Watch your tone, young man. Your character’s lifestyle choice.” Simon’s heart sunk. “Do-do you mean because he is a professional dancer, or-”  
“You are fully aware of what I am referring to, Simon.” His eyes were steely and dark, and his words cut through the far away sounds of traffic.   
“I knew this would be an issue. I knew it was only a matter of time before-”  
“Before what?” Simon threw his hands up in exasperation. “Before your decisions caught up to you. You and that Travers boy? You must think I’m an idiot.” Simon didn’t think his heart could dip any further, and as usual he was proven wrong. “I want you to know that I do not condone this choice of yours. We both know it is sin. One of us is just choosing to ignore it.” He scoffed and rubbed his temples. “God forbid this rub off on Emma. My plans for her seem to have been derailed.”  
“What plan?” Simon simply asked. Then a light bulb lit internally. “Do you mean shipping her off to boarding school?” Silence. “You were trying to protect her from me.” More silence. It hovered like a rain cloud. “I know she is very easily influenced, and I certainly don’t want her to think gays are normal.”  
“Emma being accepting of people different from her is a good thing, Dad. I know that- that Emma will love me no matter who I turn out to be.” Simon snapped. “Which I can’t say for you.”  
A train whistle pierced the air as the expression of distaste on Mr. Saunder’s face contorted into rage. “Isn’t unconditional love kind of in the parental job description? It doesn’t seem to be your forte, since you seemed determined to make your kids suffer. All you are doing is manipulating her, and you might consider that parenting but I consider it wrong.”  
“How dare you suggest-”  
“Emma was utterly miserable at St. Mary’s and you didn’t care, because you were too busy barricading her away from this imaginary evil of homosexuality that you seem so determined to ignore. Pretending something doesn’t exist doesn’t make it disappear.” It was only after the words escaped his mouth that he realized their weight. That’s one way to come out. “I’m not going to try to change myself to fit the person you want me to be if that doesn’t line up with who I want to be. I have done that for my entire life, and I am sick of it.” Simon didn’t realize how fast his voice had increased in volume. His hands were shaking. He had said too much too quickly. Things he couldn’t take back. His father was, for once, speechless. His face was unreadable.   
“I have a show to do.” Simon swung his back over his shoulder, jolting at the honking of his locking car. “Simon-”  
“Please excuse me.” He dashed into the massive double doors of Stanton Steel. His temporary safe haven.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The hardware glinted in the dim light. It was prepped and ready. The when and where and how was set. Now, it was time to wait.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Ariel sifted through her dance bag for her foam roller. The thing was a bottomless pit, a Mary Poppins carpet bag if Mary Poppins had a secret love for toe tape and Advil. She finally found the grey cylinder and sighed with relief. One less thing that could go wrong tonight. She felt a tap on her shoulder and must have jumped a few feet up. She quickly turned her head and saw her girlfriend. Her face was in full beat-stage makeup mode, but she wore sweats and her hair was a messy knot. She held a bouquet of yellow roses. Definitely the face she needed to see. “Happy opening Ariel.” Jolene said, grinning. “These are gorgeous, Jo!” Ariel squealed, snatching the roses. “Thank you so much.”  
“Anytime.” Jolene kissed the top of her head and Ariel could feel her insides melting feverishly. She never felt safer.   
“That’s not all I have for you, though.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “This is already so sweet, you don’t need to get me anything else, love.” said Ariel.  
“Trust me, you are going to love it.” Jolene waved around a small white envelope, and swapped it out with the flowers in Ariel’s arms. She carefully opened the flap and found a letter with the School of American Ballet’s return address in the top left corner.  
“What the-”  
“Read it out loud.” Jolene’s eyes were wide and full of anticipation, so Ariel agreed, and picked up where she left off. “We were saddened at the loss of your talent when you were forced to take a leave of absence due to financial burden of the school and the cost of living in New York. However, we are fully prepared to cover all necessary funds now that you have a place to stay during the school year. We hope that your passion for dance has remained, and we look forward to seeing you in the coming days if you are ready to accept the opportunity.” she gasped. “How? When? What place to stay? Jo-”  
“I pulled some strings and talked to a few of my various connections.” she said shadily, then recognizing the suspicion caused by her vagueness. “I swear I’m not a prostitute or assassin or drug dealer. My aunt Elise has a spare room at her place in Midtown, and your mom can stay here and take care of your grandmother. Elise and I wrote to SAB and they are ready to give your spot back.” Jolene’s lip quivered. “Are you serious? And my mom said yes?” Ariel could barely get the words out. Jolene nodded. “She knows how much you love dance too, and she felt awful that she ever took it away from you. I didn’t think anyone could be more excited about this than I could, but she proved me wrong.”   
Ariel threw her arms around her, Jolene spinning her around. “I can’t believe it!” Ariel repeated the words over and over again, and they felt foreign in her mouth. She couldn’t remember the last time she had so much hope for the future. But then again-  
“Wait. What about us?”  
“Ari, what do you mean what about us?”  
“If I’m going back to SAB and you’re staying here...” she trailed off, her body suddenly feeling heavier. “Ariel Chun, get to the point!” Jolene snorted. “Are you sure this isn’t just some elaborate plan you concocted to dump me?”  
“I’m crazy about you Ari, who said we were breaking up?” said Jolene. “I don’t want to leave you here. I love you too much.” Ariel’s head caught up with her mouth. Holy crap. Hopefully Jolene would filter out her lapse in judgement. “This is your dream, Ariel. I know that you want to go to a big ballet company and be a tiny Chinese trailblazing Misty Copeland, and I love you too much to let you pass up going back to SAB.” She didn’t know if she was hallucinating or not, but Ariel could swear that she saw tears welling up in her girlfriend’s eyes. “Ok.” she said. The word bit in her throat like a swarm of bees. “Ok.” she nodded, a bit more sure of herself. “I’ll go.”  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“I’ll be downtown, if you need anything, call and I’ll come right over, alright?”  
“Alright. Thanks, Hailey.” Kaitlin climbed out of the backseat of the Daisy Fields van and watched as the counselor drove away waving, until the van was just a speck on the road. She stared down the building and adjusted her shirt and jeans for the millionth time. They were slowly starting to fit normally. She didn’t quite know how she felt about that.   
Kaitlin swung open the door and found a bona fide lobby, a few crew members and Ms. Wolfe bustling about and setting up snacks on tables. No Gordy to be found. Sadie and Mom were at home. Maashous was who knows where. Ms. Wolfe turned to pick up another box of candy bars when her eyes drifted upward and toward the door and Kaitlin. Her jaw fell. She rushed over and wrapped her in her arms. Her arms were a 2 part welcoming committee on their own. “I am so glad to see you, Little Miss Mazzu.” Kaitlin gave a smile that was difficult to maintain as Ms. Wolfe pinched her cheeks.   
“What’s all this about?” she heard a deeper voice ask, recognizing it as her father. “Hi Dad.” she gave a little wave, before he ran over to her from across the “lobby” and wrapped her in another impossible hug. His suit jacket was soft from wear and his beard was scratchy. She didn’t realize she missed it. “Kait.” he said simply, refusing to even step out of the hug. “I’m sorry-”  
“Don’t be.” she gasped. She looked up at her father, his tired eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’m not quite ready to get all mushy, but the summary is that you have no reason to apologize.” Kaitlin ducked under his arm to unravel the hug. “A lot happened while I was gone, catch me up on that instead of causing us both to be all blubbery. How is everyone? I haven’t had my phone, how are Mom and Sadie? Are Gordy and Maashous enjoying working on the show?”  
“Kait, you didn’t know? Maashous went back to Eagleton.”  
“What?”  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Gwen never thought that Tate Anderson, of all people would be helping her. But predicting the future is impossible, so somehow she ended up in a straddle on the cold ground of a make-shift Stanton Steel dressing room and running the big scene before Music and the Mirror with them reading Zack. “And then you go into your song, perfect!” they said, tossing the spare script aside. Gwen grumbled “I am barely ready for the role I have been doing for ages, and you learned an entire different role and helped Via fix the opening number to cover up your old spot in one rehearsal.”  
“You really need to give yourself more credit, Strickland. I’m nothing world altering, I was only in one number before covering Kaitlin’s track.”  
“I seriously can’t believe I’m saying this, but you are actually decently talented.” Tate rolled their eyes. “Aw shucks, you’re making me blush.” they said sarcastically. “I guess it’s just the way my brain is wired. I’ve always been got at puzzles and stuff, so all of the dances are like a massive puzzle.” they shrugged. “Except the pieces are human. And moving. Maybe it’s not exactly a puzzle.”  
“I see where you were going with it though.” said Gwen. “The universe is flipped on its head, the sky is red, Strickland gave me a compliment.”  
“Shut your damn mouth.” Gwen snarled, and Tate threw their hands up in surrender. “Now that’s more like it.” They sighed and slumped back into the chair. “Look at us, getting along, making jokes.”  
“I can’t believe we spent all that time hating each other, we could actually be a good team.” Gwen admitted, turning out of the straddle she was sprawled in. “If I’m being honest, I think we have hated each other for so long we forgot why we hated each other, and didn’t bother figuring it out.” Tate snorted, then paused, slowly turning their head to face Gwen.   
“Why did you suddenly start being my friend? Am I on a hidden camera show where Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out of a potted plant.” they said, jokingly karate chopping the air. Gwen rolled her eyes. “You dumbass.” she muttered, realizing she was contradicting her own point. “I guess with the whole show getting moved and everything changing so quickly I have come to the realization that nothing stays forever, so grudges are kind of a waste of energy.”  
“Are you suggesting I’ve grown on you?” Tate stuck their lip out and widened their eyes like a puppy.  
“Like a fungus.” She pushed herself up to a standing position and cracked all her bones. “I’ll see you later?”  
“Sure.” she nodded, walking out of the foreman’s office converted into a greenroom. She was forever grateful that the city gave into her dad’s pleas to let the program continue, since it was technically school funded.Tate was right, the world had turned upside down indeed. She couldn’t picture anything so catastrophic as the musical nearly getting shut down or becoming friends with Tate in the last few days, but something in her switched. Maybe it wasn’t so dramatic in the grand scheme of things. Speaking of dramatics-  
gordy strickland  
march 12th- 4:02 pm  
gwen: hey nerd, you good with going public? no more down low  
gordy: kinda random, but i’m good with whatever you are comfortable with. no pressure on you.  
gwen: ok. verdict: we’re officially, shockingly, an item.  
gordy: weird anticlimactic flex but ok  
There. All life altering events done for one day.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
It seemed to throb, beating like the tell-tale heart in it’s hiding place. Except there was no guilt. It was time for getting even.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“I have something really important to tell you.” Sasha said, her words shaky and unsure. She and her boyfriend sat in the pizza place where, a few months prior, he beat her ex’s sorry ass into a pulp. Now they were waiting for their order before going to the “theatre”. But the weight on Sasha’s shoulders was becoming too much of a burden to carry. She had to let go of it fast. “I think I do too.” Michael smiled. His news seemed a bit more positive. Sasha didn’t want to break his heart. “You go first.” Michael bit his lip, a failed attempt at stifling his happiness.  
“We got everything finalized with New Day.”  
“And?” she asked, barely holding it together. “My sponsor is working with insurance to get me started on T before the end of the month, and I have a top surgery appointment before I start junior year in the fall.” His words tumbled out in a rushed blur. “Are you for real?” Sasha whispered, and Michael nodded his head rapidly in response from across the booth. “I am so happy for you! Oh my god, oh my god!” she repeated over and over. “Mikey!” she grabbed his shaking palms. “This is amazing.”  
“I can’t believe it if I’m being totally honest.”  
“Well, you better believe it dude.” she snarked, squeezing his hands. Suddenly, his smile warped into a face of confusion. “Didn’t you have something important too?” he asked. Crap. “Um-”  
“Order for pickup? Sasha Foley!” God bless the universe (and the pizza place) for letting her dodge that bullet. “I’ll tell you later, we’d better get to the mill.” she blurted out as she rushed to get the pizza. Smooth. “Alright, whenever you’re ready.” he shrugged, meeting her at the counter and taking the warm pizza box in his arms as Sasha collected the change. “Don’t you think everyone is going to want a piece?”  
“Well, they can’t have any. I dub this a celebratory pizza in honor of Michael Elliot Hallowell being a kickass, amazing human.” said Sasha. “Let’s get to the ‘theater’.” She furiously waved around air quotes and Michael chuckled. I’ll tell him soon enough. He’ll ask soon enough and I’ll have to tell him. And I will. Just not now. I can’t lose him too.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Maashous was glad to be back at Stanton. In the hectic “lobby” of Stanton Steel, he saw familiar faces, the same crowd that attended Spring Awakening. Just not the one he was looking for just yet.  
“Maashous, is that you?” He turned around at the sound of his name, and saw Sadie Mazzuchelli. She dropped her bag of chips on the ground and dashed over to him. “Maashous, I’m so glad you’re here! How did you get here? How are you? Are you helping on the show? Have you seen Kaitlin?” she asked in rapid fire, her ponytail swishing around and framing her expressive face. “Thank you, I took the bus, I’m pretty good, I’m watching from the audience, and what was the last question?”  
“Have you seen Kaitlin?” Sadie repeated, her tone mimicking the word “duh”. Now Maashous was the shocked one. “What? I thought she was- I mean she is-”  
“The center let her visit for the night and see the show, she’s definitely here, she-”  
“She can speak for herself.” he heard from over his shoulder. Sure enough, there was Kaitlin. Her skin was a little less pale, and her floral shirt and jeans were a little less baggy than the last time she wore them. Good signs. “Hi, Maashous.” she gave a little wave as she walked closer. “Sadie, you can pick up your snack and go to your seat now.” she said. Sadie grumbled a goodbye, picked the chips, and went up the stairs to a seating area.  
Now they were alone for the first time since they split their own ways. Tension was present to say the least. “I owe you an apology.” said Kaitlin. “No, if anything I should be saying sorry to you for telling your parents without your permission.”  
“Don’t be sorry.” she assured. “I was angry at you. For a while. I couldn’t believe you would sabotage me like you did. I was furious.” She paused for a moment, inhaling deeply. Maashous saw her digging her nails into her palms.  
“Then I finally got it through my head that all you were trying to do was help me.” Plot twist. I was completely out of control and you cared about me so much that it didn’t matter if I temporarily disliked you. Because I needed the help.” she nodded, seemingly agreeing with herself. “I am simultaneously so sorry that I treated you the way I did before I left. And before you left, I suppose.” Oh crap, she found out. “But I am so grateful for you getting me to the clinic.”  
“Are you better now?”  
“Definitely not completely recovered, that is a massive beast that I’m going to have to deal with for a while.” she shook her head. “But I’ll get there. Eventually”  
“I’m really happy for you, Kaitlin.” Maashous smiled. “I am too.” she smiled back, extending her hand. “Come sit with me? The show is starting soon.” He took it and they walked through the doors leading to the “house”.   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“I have a gift for you.” Lilette gently tapped on the door, a small tissue wrapped box in her hand. “You really don’t have to get me anything.” Robbie said, standing up, holding a small white box. “If you are giving me something, then let me give you yours first.”  
“Fine.” Lilette rolled her eyes. “What is is?”  
“Let me just say it is probably going to be difficult for you to try it on under all of your warm-up clothes.” Robbie wasn’t exaggerating. The building was cold, but you would assume it was the frozen tundra looking at Lilette wearing about 100 layers of hoodies and sweats.   
She swiftly opened the lid to the box, tension in her shoulders as she held up the contents, and placing the box aside on the nearby table. A gold necklace with an angel on it. “It’s beautiful, Robbie.” she smiled. Robbie’s heart did a victory lap. “Thank you so much.” she kissed him on the cheek. Then, she frantically waved the other box toward him. “Now open mine!”  
“You are like a little kid on Christmas morning, combined with a parent on Christmas morning.”  
“What can I say, I am multi-talented.” she shrugged. Robbie carefully opened the box, and found a rectangular gold plaque. In Loving Memory of Eva Thorne. Those you’ve known and lost still walk behind you. “You snuck it out of the auditorium?”  
“I got Mr. Watson to lend me his screwdriver the day after we got the email with all the changes and smuggled it out.” Her face then changed from her smug look of satisfaction, turning more solemn. “Even though we weren’t performing in there, I still wanted you to have it. I know how important it is to you.” Robbie rubbed the brass between his fingers, then looked back at Lilette.   
“Think she’d be proud of me?” he asked tentatively. Lilette nodded her head. “I definitely am, so I think she’s beaming up there.” He was still clutching the plaque in his fingers. “I love you so much.”  
“I love you too, Robbie.” a smile was creeping across her lips. “Now come on, get yourself reading and near the stage, the show is starting soon.”  
“Said the Michelin man made of hoodies instead of tires.” Robbie snipped. “Hey!”   
“Sorry not sorry!”  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The seconds were ticking. It was almost time.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The lights flickered overhead, signalling 5 minutes to the show starting, and for the audience to sit down. After so much chaos, the show actually came together. Ms. Wolfe was pleased with herself, and for once, relaxed. “Hello, Tracey.” Well, who needed relaxation anyway. “Evan, a pleasure as always. But, I thought you didn’t want anything to do with the program.” His face was smug as always. “Considering it still has the Stanton High name on it, I figured I’d come check out opening night.” She sighed.   
“Look, I am not going to cause a scene in front of all of these customers. However, I am also not going to allow you to throw away all of the work those kids have put into this show.”  
“Who said I was coming to criticize?”  
“Past knowledge and experience.” She deadpanned. “You are welcome to stay and enjoy the show so long as you are a respectful audience member. Do we have an agreement?” The tension between them could be cut with a butcher knife. His face seemed blank. Totally unreadable. “We certainly do.” Good. He walked into the audience area, before quickly turning around. “Oh, and tell the kids to break a leg, Tracey.”  
“You’ll be lucky if I don’t break yours.” she muttered under her breath, before climbing the stairs to the “booth”.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Hey, are you ok?” Jeremy saw Simon backstage, pacing back and forth, so hunched over that it looked like he should be Michael Arden in Notre Dame. He quickly turned his head, shook it, and sighed. “This space is completely different to Stanton, and the acoustics are all wrong. I’m going to slip and fall during At The Ballet and drop Lexi and that’s a lawsuit just waiting to happen. I’m going to forget my monologue and mess everything up, and what if Mr. Mazzu forgets his cue to come down the stairs to do his scenes, and what if-“  
“Si, we both know you are going to be amazing.” Simon’s posture suggested he was still wasn’t saying what was truly on his mind. “Is this really about the show?”  
“Since when are you so incisive?” Definitely not the time to get into that. Later. For sure. “Stuff happened, I’ll fill you in later, and stop deflecting. Did something happen before you got here?”  
“Why do you think that?” Simon said defensively. “No reason in particular, but you weren’t so worried yesterday.” He was quiet, but Jeremy didn’t want to pry. Just before he was about to turn away-  
“It’s my dad. He found out about me playing Paul and…” he trailed off. “And our similarities.” The elephant in the room. “And it’s messing with your head?”  
“Understatement of the century.” he grumbled. He looked annoyed yet oddly forlorn, squinting like he was searching for something over the horizon. “He sent Emma off to St. Mary’s because he thought I was contagious.”  
“Being gay isn’t contagious, ignorance is.” said Jeremy. Simon sighed and shook his head yet again. “I’ve heard the whole “it gets better” thing a million and one times, but I can’t help but feel...”  
“Guilty?” Something in Simon visibly shifted in that moment. “Yeah.”  
“That’s definitely a process. You have to unlearn all of the crap about being told you are invalid and trust that you know yourself better than anyone else. “And if God is really up there, he wouldn’t purposefully hurt anyone.” Jeremy laced his fingers through Simon’s.  
“Jeremy Travers, you are the wisest person I know.” He flushed beet red, and before he could respond, Gordy was frantically tapping him on the shoulder and mouthing ‘places’.  
“I-I gotta go.” Jeremy stammered. Simon nodded and kissed Jeremy’s hand in his. “Ok, bye Jeremy. See you on the other side?” He swore his heart leaped out of his chest. “See you on the other side, Si.” Jeremy forced out, struggling to catch his breath before going on.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Showtime.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Kiss today goodbye, and point me toward tomorrow.” Lilette sang out facing front. “We did what we had to do.”  
“Won’t forget,” sang Jason Iwata. “Can’t regret,” sang Annabelle. “What I did for love.” Lilette finished. Time suddenly seemed to slow. A woman with pale brown hair that she recognized as Ms. Travers looked behind her seat, then furiously gestured to a young boy with hearing aids. Jeremy’s brother, AJ, shot up from his seat. “Everybody get down! Run!” he shouted. The cast frantically looked back and forth. They chose to listen.  
A broad-shouldered figure shoved between two clumps of chairs and that was enough to send the rest of the cast dashing off-stage, along with audience members ducking behind seats and rushing toward exits. All but one. “Saunders, what are you doing?” Cheryl hissed. Seconds slowed even further. “Get your ass offstage Simon!” Francis whispered angrily. “Simon, please, listen.” Lilette said. “Mom! AJ! Si!” Jeremy cried, trying to dive onstage and Robbie and Jolene holding him back. “Gordy, call for help!” Violet shouted. Gordy nodded.   
Tick.   
Tick.   
Tick.   
Click.   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“911, what’s your emergency?”  
“I’m Kaitlin Mazzuchelli, and-and-and-“  
“Calm down, and speak slowly. Kaitlin, where are you?”  
“There’s a- there’s a gun at Stanton Steel, please help us!”  
“Have shots been fired?”  
“Yes-but [unintelligible]”  
“Kaitlin?”  
“Please help us- [scream].”  
“Kaitlin!”  
“[dial tone]”  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The lady on channel 3 was practically made of plastic. It was surprising to the audience that her teased hair wasn’t considered a fire hazard. She held her ear-piece closer and adjusted herself to better read her prompter, just like in the movies. “Interrupting out current programming, breaking news out of Stanton, Pennsylvania. There are currently 7 counted injured cast and audience members, 2 of them critically, after a gunman open fire during a production of ‘A Chorus Line’. The musical, presented by the Stanton High drama club, was taking place on location at the Stanton Steel mill under contract with the city. The cast was in the middle of their final song when an unidentified masculine figure was seen holding a rifle. An audience member shouted out for everyone to run, and shots were fired. The suspect is still on the loose, and Stanton High principal Evan Ward is asking for patience and privacy for the victims and their families. We will keep you updated as reports come in. Thank you, and good night.” Cut.


End file.
